The Dream Of The Area 51 Raid Is Dead

Because you can't fit 20,000 people into 10 hotel rooms.
The Dream Of The Area 51 Raid Is Dead

In our fast-paced media landscape, where a story that grips the nation one day can be a faint memory the next, the Naruto-run raid on Area 51 to "see them aliens" was a standout event. If only we all came together to break through the barriers of lies to find the truth for ourselves, then maybe, just maybe, we could fuse our culture with that of the aliens and hasten our ascension into the galactic community. But alas, it seems the final ember of that dream has been snuffed out by who else but The Man. And by "The Man," I of course mean a woman named Connie.

AlienStock, the three-day festival created to make good on the promise to storm the shadowy military base, would have replaced any actual storming with live music, chill vibes, and overpriced funnel cakes. It would've been a run-of-the-mill festival, complete with a location adjacent to an extremely small town with no infrastructure to support such an event. Enter Connie West, the owner of a restaurant and hotel in Rachel, Nevada. It happens to be the only business in Rachel. The restaurant has 40 seats and the hotel has 10 rooms, so she figured that qualified her to organize a festival that was projected to draw anywhere between 10,000 and 20,000 people.

The Dream Of The Area 51 Raid Is Dead
He's angry that he won't be liberated -- and worse, that he'll have to watch The Chainsmokers perform.

West was holding the permit for the event, and apparently refused to cooperate in almost any capacity with the original creator, Matty Roberts. Roberts likely has his hands full fending off government assassins ever since he rose from anonymity to become the leader of an alien liberation army, so he was counting on West to do all of the things organizers do, like tell the EDM DJs to turn it down a little and remind work crews to not put the toilets too near the corn dog vendor.

With only days to go before the festival, almost nothing was ready. In a statement on the AlienStock website, Roberts said, "We are not interested in, nor will we tolerate any involvement in a Fyre Fest 2.0," and that he wanted to avoid becoming a "humanitarian disaster." He's downscaled the event from a huge festival in the middle of nowhere to a free party in downtown Las Vegas.

The movement burned too bright to last forever. But its spirit lives on in each of us. Never fear, alien brethren. We will liberate you one day, and the three-day festival that greets you on the other side of those walls will be glorious, and the tunes spun by the EDM DJs will be bangin'.

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's And listen for his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast.

For more, check out The KFC Dating Sim Will Make You Fall In Love (With Chicken) and Forget A Remake; Do A Movie About The Making Of 'Face/Off'.

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Take us to your leader ... so they can follow us on Facebook.

Scroll down for the next article
Forgot Password?