Oscar Mayer's Hot Dog Ice Cream Sandwich Is Food Nightmare

If you're in New York on August 12 and you spot the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, then you're in luck, or maybe in a cleverly masqueraded simulation of New York as you burn in Hell. It is inside that giant shiny motorized hot dog that Oscar Mayer's new hot dog ice cream sandwich lives -- or lurks, depending on how you look at it.

Because it's summer, and because August 2 was National Ice Cream Sandwich Day, and because Oscar Mayer's R&D department is run by a sadistic mad scientist who conducts disturbing hot dog experiments deep into the night, the hot dog ice cream sandwich is made up of:

1) Candied hot dog bits, thus disproving the old theory that there is no limit to how much worse a hot dog can get.

2) Hot dog sweet cream, which we're guessing is a euphemism for "canine semen."

3) Spicy Dijon gelato. Or maybe it's a block of frozen piss. Could go either way!

4) A cookie bun. It's just a cookie, so it gets a pass ... for now.

For some reason, the Oscar Mayer Twitter page wants you to slide into its DMs in the event that the syphilis seizes control of your brain and you need details on how you can try this new melty sausage abomination. Weird, considering that kind of information is usually published on a website. DM at your own risk. Just beware of any pictures they might send back. Could be a hot dog, could be a dong. Either way, there'll be too much ketchup on it.

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