Subway's New Ad Is Really, Truly Insane

Please carve out two minutes and 17 seconds of your day to watch this emotionally stirring short film that follows a boy from birth to young adulthood, chronicling his trials and tribulations along the way.

Did you make it to the end? Bet you didn't think the makers of subpar subs could make you feel things, huh? is exactly what Subway executives thought after they tagged their logo onto the end of this third runner-up in a student shorts contest.

With this cinematic ad, Subway wants you to feel like the salami and ham that's been marinating in the stale air for untold hours has been a vital part of your upbringing every step of the way. Every growing child needs the love and support of caring parents, but they also need a 12-inch Italian BMT with mustard and jalapenos.

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Analyzing this ad as the Oscar-nominated short film it thinks it is, I'd say the most interesting part is when the little boy licks the water off of a stick he held beneath a running outdoor faucet ...

Subway/YouTube

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... which inspires him in the next shot to whip it out and urinate in his own water supply. In an ad for sandwiches. We've known for years that Subway is a place where you can Eat Fresh, but with this new and exciting campaign, more aligned with their corporate values in a post-Jared world, we know that Subway is the official home of whizzing where you eat.

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For more, check out Cate Blanchett Is Secretly In All Of Your Favorite Movies and We Already Got A 'Myst' TV Show, It Was Called 'Lost'.

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