Which 'Avengers: Endgame' Re-Release Is Right For You?
Back before the home video market existed, popular movies stayed in the public consciousness through theatrical re-releases. Nowadays, that doesn't really happen much anymore, unless an enormous blockbuster comic book movie is trying to beat the sales of a movie about blue space cats.
Yes, Avengers: Endgame is being re-released in theaters sometime in late June or early July. It'll come with deleted scenes and extras to lure people back in. All because it only needs to make about another $44 million to surpass Avatar and become the highest-grossing film of all time (at which point James Cameron will announce 12 more Avatar sequels out of spite).
But that's not the only Endgame re-release vying for your attention. Somewhere out there on the more pathetic parts of the internet exists a "defeminized" fan edit that removes anything its creator thought was too feminist or gay. That means Captain Marvel isn't in the movie at all, scenes of male characters hugging have been removed, Black Panther has been almost entirely cut out (because of course the guy needed a little splash of racism to offset the sharp flavors of homophobia and misogyny), and Hawkeye is never shown teaching his daughter how to shoot a bow and arrow. The editor thinks "young women should learn skills to become good wives and mothers and leave the fighting to men."
So if you're itching to watch Endgame one more time, you can choose from A) a version that lets you help one Disney movie make more money than another Disney movie, or B) one released by an anonymous hateful creep that has drunkenly excised every instance of a woman performing unladylike acts of heroism and shots of men bonding that could offend delicate male sensibilities. Gee, we've been spoiled with a bounty!
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook. Excelsior!