Disney's Star Wars Land Is Here To Force-Choke Your Wallet
Good news for children longing to magically travel to a galaxy far, far away and adults who just want to get hammered alongside surly walrus men: Disneyland's Star Wars park is opening this Friday. Visitors will be able to mingle with Stormtroopers, fly the Millennium Falcon, and of course spend lots and lots of money. Perhaps not unexpectedly, visiting Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge will basically be tantamount to gleefully tossing your wallet into the Sarlacc. For instance, a glass of blue milk will set you back $7.99. Yeah, despite the fact that they lived in a literal hole in the ground, it seems Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen's taste in galactic dairy products was surprisingly expensive.
Galaxy's Edge also gives fans the opportunity to build their very own lightsabers, presumably to fight the forces of evil and dismember rowdy bar patrons. But they cost almost $200! For that much money, you might want to consider just letting the Sith take over the Galaxy.
The most insanely costly item for sale is in the "Droid Depot" shop, where you can purchase your very own irritating robot slave. Small remote-controlled toys only cost $99, but you can buy a "life-sized remote control R2" for $25,000. Which is a lot of money to spend on a machine created to help fly spacecraft that don't actually exist. And if you feel dumb plunking down that much for a souvenir, just remember that as of 2018, three-quarters of Disneyland's employees couldn't afford basic living expenses, so ... wait, that might just make you feel worse about the whole thing. If Disneyland really wants to offer people an authentic Star Wars experience, they might want to consider providing a sketchy secondary market where stolen droids are sold at a discount by tiny robed thieves.
You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter!
For more, check out Rotten Tomatoes Has Entered The War Against 'Review Bombing' and And Now, Snoop Dogg's Review Of The 'Game Of Thrones' Finale.
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook. Because why not?