People Are Worried About Pee Breaks In 'Avengers: Endgame'

The new Marvel movie will test your bladders. And probably theaters' janitorial staff.
People Are Worried About Pee Breaks In 'Avengers: Endgame'

It's almost here. It's so close that you can almost smell the Axe Body Spray you just know Hawkeye uses. Yes, Avengers: Endgame is only weeks away. And naturally, our biggest concern is when we'll be able to pee during it. It all started with an interview with Marvel Studios head honcho Kevin Feige, who claimed that a movie is "working" when you "don't ever find a good time to run out to the bathroom." Which normally isn't a problem, but Endgame is three goddamn hours long.

How pissed would you be if Black Panther and Spider-Man were willed back into existence while you were busy relieving yourself of the extra-large soda that only cost 50 cents more than the medium size? Even the movie's cast weighed in on the issue, jokingly suggesting that fans either strap on a diaper or wolf down their popcorn in order to make use of the empty receptacle.

The obvious solution here (apart from publicly defiling the theater with your bodily waste) is for the filmmakers to include an intermission. Cinematic intermissions used to be more common, with epics like Ben-Hur and Lawrence Of Arabia giving their audiences a respite from all the adventure and old-timey racism. Even 2001: A Space Odyssey had an intermission, and it's almost 40 minutes shorter than Endgame. As pointed out by io9, according to the Dictionnaire du Theatre, intermissions are an integral part of digesting narratives -- a "psychological necessity," even. Not only does it make a production more of a social event, but it also "signals an awakening of the critical faculties." Plus, you can take a whizz.

Alas, there will be no intermission in Endgame. But contrary to what Feige (the guy whose job is to talk about how awesome this movie is) implied, there will likely be a few crappy scenes that will make for an ideal breaks. And here in the glorious 21st century, we even have apps that can tell you when would be a good time to do so. Probably during the scene wherein Hawkeye pops by a CVS to load up on Axe.

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