6 Movie (Bonkers) Moments Everybody Forgets Happened
With the possible exception of the Rob Schneider canon, movies probably don't cause brain damage. Still, it can be hard to remember every detail of every movie you've seen. So it's understandable if the more out-there moments from certain recent motion pictures managed to slip your mind and generally fly under the radar. In case you've forgotten, or were unaware of them in the first place, we've gathered some of the crazier details from movies such as ...
Transformers: Age Of Extinction Is Creepy Even For Michael Bay
Ah, the Transformers franchise. The drunken frat party to the irritated neighbor that is cinema. After three movies starring Shia LaBeouf and the robots he was clearly hallucinating, the fourth film in the series, Age Of Extinction, pivoted to star the decidedly less problematic *checks notes* Mark Wahlberg. Our new hero is Cade Yeager, an energy drink granted sentience via a wish on a Zoltar machine. While the most outrageous thing to happen in a Transformers movie was previously a planet-sized robot voiced by the guy who made Citizen Kane, here the story stops to *checks notes* pore over age of consent laws.
The "Romeo and Juliet" law, specifically. Named after a story in which absolutely nothing goes wrong.
It turns out Yeager's 17-year-old daughter is dating a 20-year-old guy. When Cade threatens to call the cops on him, he decides to prove he's not a creep by promptly whipping out a copy of the Texas laws concerning statutory rape, which he keeps laminated in his wallet. He then proceeds to explain how the Romeo and Juliet law lets him legally date a minor. Keep in mind, this fellow's not a Decepticon or anything; he's supposed to be one of the good guys.
There are a few levels of weirdness here. For one, wouldn't it be way easier to just have Yeager's daughter be a legal adult, thus negating the need for an entire scene focused on statutory rape in a movie based on a line of small plastic children's toys? Also, considering some of the stories about Bay, including this feels a tad bit like the Hamburglar interrupting your Happy Meal to wax poetic on exactly how he sexually gratifies himself after a successful hamburger heist. (He diligently makes love to a giant pile of purloined sirloin.)
Don't Forget That Twilight Baseball Game
When we think of the Twilight movies, we mostly think of a that godawful nightmare CGI baby in the last one. But does anyone remember the baseball scene from the first movie? In addition to immortality and sparkling in the sunlight, it seems one of the other side effects of vampirism is ... a passionate devotion to America's pastime?
We'd also like to point out that a 104-year-old dating a minor is exponentially creepier than what was in the last entry.
As Bella grows closer to Edward, he brings her to meet his vampire family. To the disappointment of anyone who has even a passing familiarity with any other vampire movie ever made, it turns out that they eschew devouring the blood of the innocent in favor of playing as much baseball as inhumanly possible. We also learn that because Nosferatu are all roided up with superpowers, they can only play during thunderstorms, lest the cracking of their bats disturb any neighbors.
What we end up with is a bunch of pale goth kids acting out the Field Of Dreams remake Tim Burton never made. Say what you will about the Twilightsaga, but it entertained a generation of teens and taught them that repressed sexual urges are best expressed through stories of vampirism and lycanthropy. But this scene, it is just baffling.
Related: 5 Hilariously Unsubtle Movie Shots
Superman Returns -- Lex Luthor's Evil Plan Involves Seducing An Elderly Woman
Apparently, 2006 happened roughly a thousand years ago. How else can you explain that Bryan Singer was hired to helm Superman Returns, a story about the living embodiment of truth and justice? Adding to the "I need to submerge my TV in Windex immediately" feeling of rewatching this movie, Kevin Spacey plays Lex Luthor. What kind of nefarious scheme would you expect the world's greatest supervillain to be cooking up? Well, when we first see him, he's completed his dastardly plot to acquire a wealthy old woman's fortune ... by fucking her.
At least we're finally above the age of consent with this one.
The last time we saw this guy, he was Frankensteining bodybuilders with nuclear power. Now he's literally getting busy with senior citizens so he can inherit fancy houses and speedboats. Less supervillain, more hilarious Michael Caine character. Superman's return to cinema after a nearly 20-year hiatus kicks off with an ancient woman wheezing to Lex Luthor how he's "shown me pleasures I've never known." The opening scene plays out like a goddamn horror movie, with Lex hovering over his dying lady friend, "helping" her sign her new will as she dies, to the sounds of violent thunder and the exhausted sighs of disappointed moviegoers.
We eventually learn that Lex should be in jail, but because Superman fucked off and left Earth, he was able to go free. Thus Luthor's next master scheme is, uh, gold-digging? This is how Superman's nemesis rebuilds his empire? Not through ingenuity or murder or freaking power armor, but by seducing the target audience of Antiques Roadshow? This plot point is almost enough to distract from the ending, in which it's revealed that Lois Lane birthed Superman's son after an evening of romance that Superman erased from her memory back in Superman II.
Trading Places -- Dan Aykroyd Wears Blackface
There's been a lot of discussion about blackface recently, with politicians being outed for going full Al Jolson in the recent past. Well, it turns out that even our beloved Ghostbusters aren't exempt from this sordid history. Recall that comic actor / peddler of occult-themed booze Dan Aykroyd donned blackface in the classic Trading Places, and did so for basically no reason at all.
When Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy attempt to intercept a rogue Department of Agriculture employee peddling insider info concerning orange crops (trust us, it was super exciting in the 1980s), they of course need some killer disguises. Murphy presents himself as an over-the-top "exchange student from Cameroon," while Aykroyd shows up like, well, this:
You will see this clip again in our upcoming article, "5 Times Eddie Murphy Was An Amazingly Good Sport About Things."
Like, wouldn't a fake mustache and a pair of glasses have worked just as well? It sure as hell would have held up better 30 years later (or like, the next year). Not surprisingly, the villain sees through Aykroyd's godawful disguise immediately. So it was offensive and ineffective. Adding to the utter insanity of the third act, after besting the bad guy, rather than turn him into the authorities, our heroes decide to dress him up in a gorilla costume and leave him to be humped to death by Koko's horny cousin. Again, in the '80s, this was as riveting as an Avengers movie.
Shaft -- Christian Bale Gets Gunned Down By The Chief From Carmen Sandiego
Back in the '70s, all it took was a gun, an overtly phallic surname, and a kickass theme song by Isaac Hayes to pave the way for box office glory. Yes, we're talkin' 'bout Shaft. Less memorable was the 2000 reboot starring Samuel L. Jackson as the original John Shaft's nephew. And while it might be difficult to imagine unless you work in the Hollywood lighting industry, Christian Bale was the villain. Batman himself. Of course, this was coming off the heels of American Psycho, so playing sleazy evil rich guys was pretty much Bale's jam at the time.
In the closing moments of the movie, Bale is gunned down by the mother of one of his victims. She's played by Lynne Thigpen, aka the "Chief" from Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? It's a grim scene that only could have been enlivened by the dulcet melodies of Rockapella.
Well, there's a strategy that would've saved her a few trips to Monaco over the years.
Looking back, it's more than a little weird to see Batman get murdered by the Chief, especially since she never applied the same lethal force to, say, Double Trouble or Patty Larceny. And speaking of Samuel L. Jackson ...
Snakes On A Plane -- Horny Dudes Ogle ... A Dying Child?
Capitalizing on America's fear of air travel, distaste for slithery reptiles, and love for ironic detachment, in 2006 we got Snakes On A Plan, which was essentially Meme: The Movie. The schlocky story was actually reshot to make it schlockier in order to appeal to mid-2000s internet users who saw cult potential in the ridiculous premise. While we remember the snakes, the plane, and Samuel L. Jackson's famous cussing, there's some other weird shit in there which you may not remember.
Like the first snake attack, which finds a half-naked woman getting bitten on the nipple, like some kind of misguided erotic Slytherin fanfiction. And if you think that a rampant snake infestation would put a halt to such awkwardness and sexual confusion, then you have the wrong movie. Later on, after several passengers have been bitten, a flight attendant volunteers to suck the venom out of a small boy's wrist and save him from, you know, dying. Naturally, two nearby men get super turned on by this.
This has sort of been a rough one for minors.
One guy even remarks, "That's what I'm talking about." Bizarrely, no one near him responds, "Really? You're 'talking about' a grown woman extracting venom from a crying child's arm? Why would you be talking about that, you goddamn lunatic?"
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