But despite the sound logic of treating blood like car oil that needs changing every 3,000 miles, the FDA is warning the new generation of Transfusylvanians that there's not only "no proven clinical benefit" to prepubescent plasma, but also that it should not be considered safe. And when the FDA tells you that, you better listen, because it takes a lot (and we mean a lot) before they try to put a stop to any kind of shady practice. So there's still a chance that the immortality industry can find a loophole that makes it so that eating the souls of your vanquished enemies falls within the acceptable parameters of the GRAS protocols.
That is not to say that blood-related drugs can't theoretically have beneficial effects. There are currently several proper, supervised trials going on to study exactly that. But that has almost nothing to do with just paying some shady guy in a lab coat 12 Gs to strap yourself to a pint of virgin juice. The truth is that there's no kind of ghoulish sci-fi shortcuts that will let you live a long and healthy life. If you want that, you'll have to do it the old-fashioned way: diet, exercise, and going to a crossroads so you can make a pact with the Devil.
For more weird tangents and his personal recipes for toilet wine, do follow Cedric on Twitter.
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