How A Spider Triggered The Best News Story of 2019 So Far

When police pulled up at the house, they expected to find a horror show inside.

A few minutes prior, a member of the public had been walking past the home in Wanneroo, Perth when they heard the sound of a screaming toddler ... and the very distinct sound of a man cry-yelling "Why don't you die?" As this is a sentence that one doesn't typically hear outside of supernatural gorefests, the bystander frantically called the police (and presumably began planning on how to leverage the soon-to-be-revealed scenes of horror into a cushy book deal).

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

When police stormed the house, however, they found themselves confronted by something a little more mundane: a terrified arachnophobe and a bloody big spider. As it turns out, the cries that the passerby had overheard were simply the frustrations of a man trying to kill a spider at the same time he was trying to stop his heart from exploding in terror. And the toddler? Well, that's just what toddlers do.

As the police report, um, reported: "Police spoke with all parties who advised that husband had only been trying to kill a spider (has serious fear of spiders). Apologised for inconvenience to police. No injuries sighted (except to spider). No further police involvement required."

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

On the plus side, we now have the line "No injuries sighted (except to spider)." He killed it! Right on, guy! And for another harrowing yet stupid tale of misbehaving arachnids, see the British woman who was systematically terrorized by spiders blasting nursery rhymes at her in the middle of the night.

Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter dedicated to depressing history facts. It's not as heartbreakingly sad as it sounds, promise!

If you loved this article and want more content like this, consider a trip to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

For more, check out The Fortnite Dance Lawsuits Are Super Important (Seriously) and The Plot Of The Rejected 'Home Alone' Sequel Was Insane.

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Follow us on Facebook. It's free.

To turn on reply notifications, click here

43 Comments

Load Comments

More Articles

5 Famous Old Movies That Now Look Painfully Stupid In 2019

The flow of time is cruel to us all.

193

6 Insanely Complex Pop Culture Mysteries Solved By Fans

Some particularly obsessed fans sacrifice huge amounts of time and effort to come up with answers so we can all sleep a little better at night.

68

6 Utterly Insane Movie Moments Everybody Forgets Exist

Lots of people forgot these movie moments ... but, like, how?

156

5 Cute Easter Eggs That Turned Into Huge Disasters

Rarely does an Easter egg shatter your hold on reality ... but these just might.

81

6 Classic Films That Almost Turned Out Terrible

Let us gaze into the parallel realities where these famous movies are really just infamously terrible.

161

6 Directors Who Use The Same Weird Scene In Every Movie

You'll never unsee these unusual tics.

70