How A Spider Triggered The Best News Story of 2019 So Far

When police pulled up at the house, they expected to find a horror show inside.

A few minutes prior, a member of the public had been walking past the home in Wanneroo, Perth when they heard the sound of a screaming toddler ... and the very distinct sound of a man cry-yelling "Why don't you die?" As this is a sentence that one doesn't typically hear outside of supernatural gorefests, the bystander frantically called the police (and presumably began planning on how to leverage the soon-to-be-revealed scenes of horror into a cushy book deal).

When police stormed the house, however, they found themselves confronted by something a little more mundane: a terrified arachnophobe and a bloody big spider. As it turns out, the cries that the passerby had overheard were simply the frustrations of a man trying to kill a spider at the same time he was trying to stop his heart from exploding in terror. And the toddler? Well, that's just what toddlers do.

As the police report, um, reported: "Police spoke with all parties who advised that husband had only been trying to kill a spider (has serious fear of spiders). Apologised for inconvenience to police. No injuries sighted (except to spider). No further police involvement required."

On the plus side, we now have the line "No injuries sighted (except to spider)." He killed it! Right on, guy! And for another harrowing yet stupid tale of misbehaving arachnids, see the British woman who was systematically terrorized by spiders blasting nursery rhymes at her in the middle of the night.

Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter dedicated to depressing history facts. It's not as heartbreakingly sad as it sounds, promise!

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