A lil' while back, Macaulay Culkin dipped his toe back into the Home Alone-verse in a web series directed by Moldy Peaches guitarist Jack Dishel. Episode 1 of Dryvrs focused on an adult Kevin McCallister, whose life has seemingly fallen apart due to the trauma of those two Christmases when his family acted like total assholes and abandoned him. The story ends with Kevin torturing a carjacker to feed his insatiable Yuletide bloodlust.
Now Culkin has again reprised his role as Kevin for a Google commercial that presumably paid better than an indie rocker's YouTube show. The delightful ad features Kevin once again alone in the McCallister house. It's way cheerier than Dryvers ... until it slowly dawns on you that Kevin may have murdered his entire family to claim the house for himself once and for all.
The success of the ad makes us wonder -- should they make another Home Alone movie? Before you hurl a paint can at whatever device you're reading this on, hear us out. On the Home Alone DVD commentary, director Chris Columbus discussed an idea he came up with for a modern sequel, one that would star a fully grown Culkin. Perhaps jokingly, Columbus claimed his idea had been "rejected" by the studio, then went on to describe the insane premise.
Columbus' reboot would depressingly open with Kevin in jail -- again, because being treated like garbage by your family and routinely getting attacked by burglars might put one on a troubled path. When Kevin gets out of the clink, he desperately wants to "take revenge" on the Wet Bandits. But it turns out that Harry and Marv have been "gone straight." Now the rehabilitated burglars are the ones in the suburbs, living next door to each other with families of their own. This forces Kevin into the home invader role.
Columbus' pitch may have been tongue-in-cheek, but that wacky reversal of the beloved story could 100 percent work today. Plus, they could take a page from the Halloween reboot and add a pair of true crime podcasters, say, looking to prove that the snow-shoveling old man next door really did murder his wife.
Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook, ya filthy animal.
These hilarious stories should have been taught in every school.
Here are a few historically important sites to which time has been more than unkind.