The 5 Dumbest Things Rich People Have Wasted Their Money On

In high school, A.J. Galante was your typical teenager who loved playing hockey. But then he wrecked his knee during senior year and dashed his dreams of ever going pro. Jimmy figured that the only way for his kid to still live the dream was by coaching and managing a real professional hockey team. In the span of a few days, Galante purchased a minor league hockey team franchise, named it the Trashers, and moved them to his town's rinky-dink ice rink. A.J., a 17-year-old, was named general manager, and had to have his first press call while ducking teachers during free period.

And like any spoiled rich kid, when it came time to fill out the roster, A.J. hired the most expensive (read: violent) players he could find ... willing to play in minor league hockey. His #1 pick? Brent Gretzky, brother to Wayne.

United Hockey League Their mascot was a mix of Gritty and an off-brand Oscar the Grouch.

The only way a no-name hockey league could get royalty like (the worst) Gretzky was to pay them a king's ransom. Gretzky's salary was $100,000, almost half of the teams' capped league budget. So in order to get around the silly fair play cap, Jimmy did what any mobster would do and started cooking the books. Players (and their families) would get paid through fake no-show jobs in his waste management companies, allowing for them to spend about $750,000 a year on bruisers. Galante then went on to spend another $3 million renovating the Danbury hockey stadium, even though it could only seat 3,000 people.

Chris Ware "You know what this place needs? Wall-to-wall gold chains."

But the dream went up in smoke when the FBI finally raided Galante's offices. As one of Galante's assets, the Danbury Thrashers were seized and disbanded after only two glorious, excessively violent, thoroughly debauched seasons.

Monaghan had been dirt poor when growing up, so when he finally became rich, he vowed to enjoy his wealth to the max. He loved cars, so he bought the most expensive ones on the planet. He loved architecture, so he bought almost everything Frank Lloyd Wright ever made. He loved the Detroit Tigers, so he bought them too. But eventually, Monaghan decided that what he really loved was getting into Heaven. So he made a vow of poverty and sold off his assets one by one, using it all to save as many souls as he could here on Earth. With his $250 million foundation, he started Ave Maria, the first ever gated community devoted to the Lord instead of HOA rules.

Peninsula Engineering "I can see God's house from here!"

Founded in 2005 and located at the edge of the divine Corkscrew Swamp in southern Florida, the town was built to house Ave Maria University (where every study is Bible study), and is centered around the Ave Maria Church -- which, in the typical Floridian style, is the one-eyed snake of Catholic churches.

Correctomatic5000/Wikimedia Commons If you can't accept all of Jesus' love, how about just the tip?

And because this is still definitely a gated community for old rich people, it also boasts of a golf course (where daily confessions are held).

For being the most divine place on Earth, Ave Maria has a lot of earthly critics. Some have dubbed it the "Catholic Jonestown" because of Monaghan's cultish undertones. By his divine will, the town has no pornography, access to contraception, or (presumably) any good pizza places.

That's right, not one but two of Ellison's yachts have entire basketball courts. When on his yachts, Ellison shoots hoops at least twice a day to relax, because nothing is more relaxing than playing basketball on a wet floor on a ship rocking back and forth.

But it can never be said that Ellison is the wasteful type of massive yacht-owning billionaire. Firstly, the courts double as helipads. Secondly, Ellison has hired a personal gofer to sail in a small boat behind the yacht in order to retrieve any basketballs that get shot over the fence into Poseidon's backyard. Welp, "Personal Aquatic Basketball Retrieval Captain" has got to be the weirdest job description we've ever heard of.

That sucker up there is (unless you ask your granddad) a work of art. It's a shark pickled in formaldehyde. The work is titled The Physical Impossibility Of Death In The Mind Of Someone Living. Created by real-life Alice In Wonderland character Damien Hirst, the world's most expensive brined fish was commissioned in the early '90s for today's equivalent of $95,000. But when our man Cohen wanted to buy the shark, he didn't kid around with the bid. He didn't offer twice its value, or ten times its value, but nearly a hundred times its contemporary value, reeling in the shark for a reported $8 million (though some sources claim it was actually closer to $12 million).

Now, that is maybe too much money for a dead shark, but it's definitely too much money for a rotten dead shark. The artwork was nearing the end of its shelf life when Cohen bought it, but he was perfectly aware of that. In fact, he felt so bad for the previous owner, mogul Charles Saatchi, that he offered to get him a new, fresh shark for Hirst to turn into art. Cohen not only helped Mr. Hirst find a professional preserver so that the new shark wouldn't rot as quickly, but he also paid for everything, adding at least several hundred thousand dollars to his bill. All for a work that was already past its expiration date.

Speaking of things well past their shelf life: Guy Fieri. Living his best billionaire life, Cohen allegedly once paid Fieri $100,000 to drive around with him through Connecticut, eating hot dogs and pretending like they were on his TV show Diners, Drive-Ins And Dives. After being his paid escort, Fieri became a close friend with the billionaire for real, and Cohen later appeared on the show when Fieri visited Steve's favorite restaurant, Super Duper Weenie.

It looks like he paid $100,000 for an appearance, but wound up getting a friendship thrown in. Now that's good business.

Follow Marvin on Twitter, chill to his band's music, and let the good times roll!

Peter I. Santiago is outrageously not wealthy, but has a Facebook page you will like.

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