Sexually Transmitted Food Poisoning
You've probably never heard of it, but ciguatera fish poisoning is the world's most reported marine toxin disease -- even more common than Long John Silver's Syndrome. You can catch it from eating fish full of toxic algae ... or, bizarrely, sexual intercourse. With a person, that is, not a fish.
Cacophony/Wikimedia CommonsWell yeah, probably also with a fish, but we imagine that if you're committed to boning a sturgeon, you know the risks already.
That's what happened to two couples who were enjoying a Bahamian vacation together. After dinner one night, the men's legs began tingling, their perceptions of hot and cold reversed, and violent diarrhea ensued. Impressively, they didn't let an expensive seafood dinner go to waste and still managed to seal the deal, so to speak. As a result, their wives were rewarded with several weeks of burning pelvic pain of their own after the toxin was transmitted through their husbands' semen.
This horrific fate that can also cause miscarriages in pregnant women, hallucinations, and the unshakable impression that your teeth are falling out. Want to avoid it? Best of luck! Any fish that's eaten toxin-laced algae can cause ciguatera, so there's no way to tell which, if not all, of Red Lobster's dinner entrees will poison you. However, bigger fish like snapper are more likely to sicken you, so go small. On the bright side, the symptoms usually go away after a few days, but if you're terribly unlucky, it could last weeks. So, you know, try not to piss off any sea witches.
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