If you saw Solo: A Star Wars Story, you know that not all Star Wars characters hold up to a deep exploration of their pasts. Learning that Han was given his last name by a random desk clerk in order to break an awkward silence, or that the Millennium Falcon's software is the ghost of his friend's robot ex-girlfriend, was somewhat less than satisfying. Strangest of all, it seems everything Han Solo ever accomplished, learned, or mentioned have happened in a single weekend.
However, when it comes to Star Wars characters, Han's backstory isn't even close to as strange as some others. While most of these details are officially non-canon nowadays, until Disney gives each of these guys their own movie, they're the best way to learn how ...
The Mos Eisley Bartender Chopped Up Greedo's Corpse To Make Cocktails
When he first showed up onscreen, Greedo was a menacing bounty hunter who got the drop on the elusive smuggler Han Solo. A couple decades later, George Lucas edited him into a bumbling, chirping idiot who can't hit a stationary target half a space table away.
LucasfilmThe Tatooine police collected 48 statements about the incident, but almost all of them were "lol wut."
Even before the Special Editions made him suck and all of Star Wars a tiny bit worse, Greedo suffered a terrible indignity. In the 1995 short story "Be Still My Heart: The Bartender's Tale," Greedo's dead body is drank (not eaten, drank) by the Cantina's bartender.
Because absolutely everyone and everything in Star Wars has a name revealed in supplemental materials, we know this dude is named Wuher. You might remember him as the guy who looked like a cab driver who might ask if you want to buy a Romanian teen. He's a cranky anti-robot dirtbag mopping up severed arms in the armpit of Tatooine, but in this story, we learn that he has dreams of more. Specifically, he wants to create a drink so delicious, so exquisite, that it would make him famous across the Galaxy. Along the way he rescues a droid named C2-R4 from a group of abusive Jawas, and the unlikely pair form a friendship while grinding up corpses.
Lucasfilm"Lol ... wut?"
You see, when Greedo walks into the Cantina, Wuher catches a whiff of him. And Wuher likes what he smells. Greedo apparently secretes delicious, sexy Rodian pheromones, which Wuher can detect with his "big nose" and its "highly trained and sensitive olfactory capabilities." Then Han guns Greedo down and leaves the sweet-smelling, slightly roasted corpse in the middle of Wuher's bar. Lucky!