Alexander Graham Bell is best known for (kinda) (sorta) inventing the telephone, which was a pretty immense technological achievement. Less celebrated but equally impressive is his trailblazing in the field of "giving sheep more nipples."
Bell had a fixation with sheep -- specifically, the fact that they only had two nipples. After he'd gotten a pet ewe for his kids, he decided that two nipples were not nearly enough compared to, say, the number of nipples on a dog (between six and ten). More nipples, after all, would mean that the sheep could nurse more lambs, which would lead to more sheep, and more sheep nipples.
Alexander Graham Bell
Most men would just accept the scarcity of nipples on sheep as a tragic fact of life, but not Bell. No, he decided to be the change he wanted to see in the world. So he spent roughly 30 years of research on finding sheep that just so happened to have more than two nipples, then breeding them together. After blowing an obscene amount of money on his nipple quest, he more or less accomplished what he set out to do. His flock went from averaging a little more than two nipples (weak, pathetic) to averaging five to six nipples (glorious). As an added bonus, the super-nippled sheep began to produce twins and triplets almost twice as often as the normie-nippled sheep. So the next time you come across a sheep, dive-tackle it, wrestle it onto its back, and start counting nipples (as it is your legal right to do), remember that you might have the father of the telephone to thank for at least a few of those.
Maybe Bell would've stuck to phones if he could have seen the Google Pixel 2 XL.
Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
Follow us on Facebook. Because why not?
You can't take it with you. So, they didn't.
These guys make the Joker look like a well-adjusted citizen.
A lot of medical problems read like horror movie scripts.
Tour guides don't tell you all the gruesome stuff that goes down at famous locations.
Oh boy, let's take a deep dive.