Westworld Is A Guaranteed Relationship Destroyer
Westworld has lots of fun activities, like drinking sarsaparilla, mass murder, and the creepy recitation of existential riddles. But most people don't pay $500,000 just to go LARPing with James Marsden. They've got more carnal urges in mind.
Knowing this, it's gotta be hella awkward when a couple visits the park. Sure, the family that slays together stays together, but what about the sex? Westworld, let us remind you, is a place where every desire you've ever felt in your loins can be explored with machine precision.
So what if you visit the park, and your partner doesn't like robot sex, but you've been dreaming about this ever since you lost your virginity to the vacuum cleaner? Unless you're the most forward-thinking couple in Frontier Land, it's going to suck because either A) you're going to resent that you couldn't live out your sodbuster gangbang fantasia, or B) you'll lie tearfully on your cot while your partner has a whale of a time with an entire 1880s mining camp.
HBOYou know how they say that Facebook is now responsible for a third of divorces? Westworld would have the other two-thirds covered.
So it's clearly not a good idea to go to Westworld as a couple, Groupons be damned. But even when leaving you're S.O. at home, you're still not in the clear. One month into the opening of Westworld, everyone will have figured out that it's basically the incognito browser of theme parks. And how would you ever know your spouse stuck to that laminated Do's and Don'ts list you agreed upon beforehand? Just be ready to return to a lifetime of plain ham sandwiches, because nothing will compare to that robotic orgy hoagie you indulged while Anthony Hopkins leered at you from the corner.
Everyone Would Be Pansexual In Star Wars
In a recent interview, one of the writers of Solo announced that Lando Calrissian is pansexual. Come on, it's a galaxy far, far away. Everyone has to be! You see, the Star Wars movies focus on human characters, but that universe contains millions of planets and evolutionary varietals. Humans are but a tiny subset of all known life, and our stereotypical sexual configurations don't mean bupkis. There's going to be cross-species boning, even if one or both parties have no bones to speak of.
LucasfilmThat does finally explain how Jabba manages to perv out on a half dozen species in 20 minutes of screen time.