Remember That 'Cursed' Scary Coffin? It's Filled With Sewage

Back in June, the world was instantly made a billion times more interesting by the discovery of an enormous black sarcophagus at an archaeological dig during an excavation in Alexandria, Egypt. It was exciting to everyone. To archaeologists, it promised not only treasures untouched since it was buried 2,000+ years ago, but the possibility that it was the long-lost tomb of Alexander the Great. To the internet, meanwhile, it promised nothing less than the goddamn apocalypse.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

When archaeologists decided to open the tomb earlier this week, therefore, it seems an understatement to say that tensions were running a little high. They probably shouldn't have been. When everyone peered inside, they found some skeletons. There were no royals, no jewels, no scrolls, not even a single flesh-eating scarab -- just three normal skeletons submerged in a thick red liquid resembling blood ...

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

... which turned out to be raw sewage that'd leaked into the chamber via a crack in the wall and dissolved all of the presumably mummified remains inside. In a press conference announcing this finding, Mostafa Waziri, secretary general of the Supreme Council of Antiquities, told reporters, "The sarcophagus has been opened, but we have not been hit by a curse." No matter your level of disappointment over how this played out, you gotta give Waziri props for being able to spin this as a good thing. "Yeah, we found a putrid stew of sewage and melted mummy, but at least the world didn't end."

Both the tomb and skeletons are being transported to the local museum for examination and cleaning, although it's debatable whether any amount of scrubbing is enough to stop people from now referring to them as "the smelletons."

Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter about depressing history that you should definitely subscribe to.

Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out This Tiny Village Is Being Menaced By A Runaway Iceberg and Bad News: The Plastic Drinking Straw Ban Is BS.

Follow us on Facebook ... or else.

To turn on reply notifications, click here

18 Comments

Load Comments

More Articles

5 Infuriating Luxuries Only Available To The Ultra-Rich

What does the person who has everything buy for themselves?

142

5 Huge News Stories The Media Straight-Up Forgot About

Sometimes the follow-up is worse than original headline-grabbing story.

146

The Classic Sitcom That Looks Completely Insane In 2019

Let us pitch you a sitcom ...

305

The 6 Most Epically Lazy Ripoffs Of Famous Movies And Shows

Some people in entertainment don't even bother trying to come up with fresh ideas.

86

6 Video Game Cons That Shouldn't Have Fooled Anyone

Maybe take video game marketing with a grain of salt?

54