Great News: Wearing A Tie Might Be Choking Your Brain

During these summer months, office workers will curse the day it was decided they all had to lumber around in hot, restricting suits. But there might be a more valid reason besides sweat to finally do away with the classic suit-and-tie combo.

We've talked before how science seems hellbent on proving that workplace environments are just an overly long slog through a morass of incompetence. But this latest finding seems to divert the onus of having mush for brains away from the suits and onto the ... suits. Or the neckties, to be specific. As we all know, the neck is the vital yet rickety bridge between your head and the rest of your body, transporting precious blood upwards (and precious nachos downwards). And it turns out that when you tie a tie around all those delicate veins, they get restricted. The clue was in the name, really.

Pixabay Who needs a functioning brain when you can look professional?

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

In a study published in Neuroradiology, German doctors conducted a study on the effects of wearing restrictive neckties on the blood flow in the brain. The study recruited 30 healthy young men and put them into two groups. One group had to wear a tightly tied tie, while the other served as a control group chilling in open-collared shirts like a bunch of common drug kingpins. Through MRI scanning, the researchers noticed that, on average, wearing a buttoned-up shirt with a tie reduced the amount of blood going to the brain by a staggering 7.5 percent. Even more jarring, after the subjects got to pop their top buttons and loosen their ties, their blood flow still kept declining by as much as 12.8 percent. So even that cool "I just got off work" look you sport during after-hour drinks isn't helping you sound any smarter.

Dr. Robin Luddecke Nine out of ten zombies can taste the difference.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Strangely, whatever damage ties cause doesn't occur in the neck itself, as no change was found in the jugular flow, only the noggin flow. The study posits that this is because an increase in pressure might be hindering outflow. Of course, much more expansive research is required to determine if this corporate strangulation truly has any actual negative effects on the body, though there are already quite a few other studies on the (uncontroversial) theory that the brain's access to oxygenated blood can have an impact on its reasoning skills and general intelligence. So just to be on the safe side, try to convince your boss to extend Casual Friday indefinitely -- for science.

If you're looking for more fun ways to damage your brain, you can always follow Cedric on Twitter.

Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out The Most Bizarrely Corrupt Guy In Trump's Cabinet Just Quit and Want To Beat Facial Recognition Tech? Dress Like A Juggalo.

Follow us on Facebook. If you like jokes and stuff.

To turn on reply notifications, click here

33 Comments

Load Comments

More Articles

5 Screwed-Up Secrets The Ultra-Rich Don't Want You To Know

You don't make astonishing amounts of money without ending up a jerk in some way.

233

6 Very Stupid Questions With Very Smart Answers

No serious person would ask these questions ... but we got serious answers anyway.

135

5 Underreported Dumb Annoyances Pro Athletes Put Up With

Being at the top of your game can really drag you down.

131

4 Horrible Biases That Are Baked Into Everybody's Brain

Sometimes our big, dumb brains are just flat-out wrong.

165

5 Acts Of Charity That Went Horrendously Wrong

The road to losing your tax exemption status is paved with good intentions.

108