According to the movies, every bat's main goal in life is to fly into someone's hair and go berserk. You know the scene: A bat dives at some poor woman and becomes as entangled as possible, screeching wildly while a bumbling sidekick keeps accidentally hitting the lady with a tennis racket instead.
But in real life, it's almost impossible to get a bat to fly anywhere near a person. Bats are known for their "blindness," which leads people to believe that, intentionally or not, they might thwack into your hair at a moment's notice. But Merlin Tuttle, president of Bat Conservation International (not a Wayne Industries shell company), has actively tried to create this situation, and bats just aren't having any of it.
A bat's echolocation does more than guide it to bugs; it also helps them dodge just about everything, even obstacles as thin as strands of hair.
So that rules out accidents, but bats also don't have any proclivity to attack humans. If it ever looks like a bat is swooping toward you with an eye on moshing inside your haircut, they're probably just trying to catch a mosquito that you don't see yet. The little bastards are trying to do us all a favor, so put the tennis racket down, Urkel. You're gonna hurt someone.
Bats are adorable and super fun and soft as plushies.
Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
Yo. You. Follow us on Facebook.