The ride is now set to be scrapped in favor of a Jurassic World-themed attraction, which will presumably update the experience with newer dinosaurs and mandatory high heels. But allow us to momentarily whisk you back in time to the 1990s, when the Jurassic Park ride was like the goddamn Beatles, if the Beatles were animatronic monsters who spat water at you.
Looking back, it's entirely possible that the only reason they produced Jurassic Park in the first place was to make a kickass theme park ride based on it. Seriously. Steven Spielberg once admitted that he "had the idea to do a ride even before we shot the movie," and work on the ride began well before the movie did, to the point where plans from the ride were included as props in the film itself.
But why would Spielberg want to make a blockbuster to help sell a big-budget theme park attraction? Well, in 2009, we learned that he serves as a "creative consultant" for Universal Studios, a lucrative deal he struck up in the '80s. Thanks to the side gig, Spielberg collects 2 percent of the gross profits from Universal's Florida park, annually and "in perpetuity," which currently amounts to "about $30 million per year." That buys a hell of a lot of baseball caps and beard-trimmers.
In any case, the ride was in production while the movie was yet to be filmed, which explains the aquatic theme. For those who haven't been to Universal Studios (or went but spent the whole time guzzling butter-flavored 7-Up in a magical boarding school), the ride loads passengers on a raft, then sends them down a lazy dino-filled river ride. But since Jurassic Park, not unlike Chipotle, is prone to one disaster after another, soon the dinosaurs escape! The ride culminates with a T-Rex head popping out as your boat plunges down an 80-foot drop! It's exactly like ... nothing that happens in any of the movies.