5 Shady Things About 'The Bachelor'

4 Those "Real America" Hometown Dates Are The Fakest Parts Of The Show

Let's pretend for a moment that you haven't secretly watched several seasons of the Bachelor and explain the hometown dates. Cliff or Artie or whoever the generic male placeholder is that season visits the prospective women's families in their hometowns. At each location, they have a date at the woman's parents' house.

Or at least, a spacious Airbnb dressed up to look like the parents' house.

It makes sense if you think about it. What are the odds of every single contestant having parents who live in an immaculately kept palatial home with plenty of room for a camera crew, regardless of their profession? The hometown houses are usually rented (an average one went for $1,050 a night, which kind of kills the "relatable everyday American" vibe most hometown dates are going for), or at best belong to a wealthy relative. Those fancy home-cooked meals often aren't home-cooked, either. If mom and dad are lousy in the kitchen or don't want to bother, the show will have it catered.

3 Contestants Are So Isolated That One Was Reported Missing

It's standard practice for reality show contestants to be denied access to entertainment, news, and outside contact during filming. There wouldn't be much drama if you could excuse yourself to go play Overwatch whenever you saw a fight coming. The Bachelor recently started allowing contestants to bring books, and Bibles have long been permitted ... so that contestants in spiritual crisis can determine if they're somehow violating the sanctity of marriage by competing with 28 other people for the right to marry a stranger. But everything else, like laptops and phones, is confiscated at the door. The goal is to put the contestants in a bubble. If The Bachelor is all that's in your life, you're going to start taking it way more seriously than you probably should.

This creates practical concerns, even beyond having to dodge Narcos spoilers when you return to civilization. Contestants have responsibilities. They need to arrange for nearly three months of bills, feed pets, and send reminders to their friends and family that they haven't dropped off the face of the Earth. One constant was even reported missing by her mother after going incommunicado for the show, although when the police asked the public for information, everyone soon realized she was just on The Bachelor. For some reason, that has yet to be deemed a crime.

2 The Producers Tracked And Tried To Exploit Contestants' Menstrual Cycles

A woman's menstrual cycle has an impact on her emotional state, albeit not nearly to the extent that terrible stand-up comedy routines would have you believe. The Bachelor's producers are well aware of that.

According to a book on how the Bachelor sausage gets made, the show's producers tracked contestants' cycles, and tried to use the information to provoke emotional reactions. Basically, if a woman was at the point in her cycle where she'd tear up at Pixar movies -- even the dumb ones, like Cars 2 -- she would be encouraged/harassed into doing something stupid and regrettable, like declaring her love for the Bachelor on national TV.

It's unclear what they did to exploit the emotions of male contestants on The Bachelorette. Maybe they told them that a woman on Twitter said Halo was dumb right before sticking them in front of the camera. Same results.

1 The Screening Process Is Ridiculously Intensive And Very Creepy

Getting on The Bachelor is far more complicated than proving that you're hot and not too ethnic. First, contestants make a video wherein they pitch themselves as a marketable product. Then, if the producers like said video, the real fun begins. During an audition weekend, potential contestants are given a 150-question personality test, which includes stuff like "Do you think you can control things with your mind?" and "Have you ever wanted to kill someone?" After that comes a one-on-one with a producer, followed by a rapid-fire Q&A with an army of producers who share one single, dusty soul.