3

In Airheads, A Band Breaks Into A Radio Station To Get Exposure

In the '90s Comedy Central rerun staple Airheads, an amateur rock band named the Lone Rangers attempts to "make it big" by taking a local radio station hostage and forcing them to play their demo tape. The idea is that an agent will hear the single, sign them, and book them for Lollapalooza, or whatever the 1994 equivalent of Coachella was.

20th Century FoxAnd the idea of guys storming into a workplace with guns could be used in a comedy film and not horror.

Imagine a band nowadays thinking the only barrier for entry into the music business is getting their song played one time on a local radio station. Hell, depending on how media-savvy they are, you might have to explain the whole concept of radio stations to a modern kid. "It's like a podcast mixed with Spotify, but always on. Also there are ads. Ads? Well you see, companies used to make money on things called adverti-"

There's also the fact that the band owns TWO physical copies of their song: a reel-to-reel (which catches fire) and a cassette tape that they lose and desperately need to track down. Nowadays, anyone would have a digital file easily accessible on their phone, or a flash drive, or the damn cloud. 40 minutes of this movie would today get condensed into a 15-second scene in which Steve Buscemi re-downloads an email attachment.

20 Century Fox"What studio did you record this in?" "The laptop in my apartment."

2

In Sixteen Candles, Nobody Remembers A Girl's Birthday

Sixteen Candles hails from a period in human history when a person could make it through their entire day without getting 75 Facebook birthday reminders from friends, family members, and forgotten high school acquaintances with babies you've seen more times than a sunset.

That's the driving force behind John Hughes' directorial debut, wherein Molly Ringwald's character, Sam, bemoans the fact that everybody in her life forgot her special day. Her Sweet Sixteen happens to fall one day before her sister's wedding, so everyone in her life is too preoccupied to toss an "HBD" her way. They don't have Facebook, Google Calendars, extremely basic knowledge of their own flesh and blood, or the ability to read a teenager's glaring facial cues.

Universal PicturesProps to John Hughes for making a movie with an F-bomb and nudity, yet still pulling a PG rating.

Nowadays, Sam would be instantly deluged with "Happy Birthday" messages, beginning at 12:01 a.m. and continuing for three days after her birthday, at which point she would scroll through them, "like" the best ones, feel bad for not "liking" all of them, then acquiesce and spend the rest of her day politely "liking" the full 200. The 2018 version of Sixteen Candles would involve Sam checking her email and wondering, "Why am I getting a birthday wish from 'your friends at O'Hare Long-Term Parking?'"

1

The Ring Is About A Video That Kills You ... Unless You Share It

In The Ring, people die seven days after watching a cursed videotape. That is, unless they make a copy of the tape and show it to someone else. But this was in 2002, before the rise of the omnipresent, omnipotent YouTube.

Today, the cursed tape would get ripped immediately -- probably before it even officially came out -- and then copied hundreds of times, prompting response videos, parodies, and dozens of memes that would be beaten into the ground within a week.

Dreamworks Pictures"The Ring, but every time Superintendent Chalmers says the letter 'B,' it kills you twice as fast."

No one would ever die from the Ring curse. Well, not for at least a few months, anyway, after which our fleeting attention spans would all shift to a clip of a bird that looks like it's doing the Dougie or something.

Also, no one actually owns a functional VHS player anymore. Unless it was uploaded to YouTube, the tape would claim the lives of, like, two library technicians and 73 hipsters watching it ironically.

Dreamworks PicturesAs if a VHS tape could have survived that long without getting eaten in a VCR or taped over with a baseball game.

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For more outdated movie tropes, check out 6 Groups Who Don't Work As Movie Bad Guys Anymore and 5 Huge Hit Movies That No One Ever Talks About Anymore.

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