5 Hilariously Overpriced Household Objects For Rich Morons

To be fair, that's not merely a tin can. It's a sterling silver and vermeil tin can. Along with a $350 "Rose Gold Vermeil Crazy Straw," a $385 "Sterling Silver Harmonica," and a $9,000 (not a typo) "Sterling Silver Ball of Yarn," it's part of Tiffany and Co.'s Everyday Objects collection, a line inspired by items fished from a sleeping hobo's bindle.

So what do you even do with a $1,000 can? Tiffany suggests using it to store pencils, themselves probably carved from the fossilized cedars at the ruins of Solomon's Temple.

Tiffany & Co. Though it would be frankly hilarious to write “anything helps” on it and use it to beg for spare change.

The Surf Aston Martin Edition is 5,999 Australian dollars (nearly $5,000 U.S.) for the "ultimate luxury pram system" for "fast-paced lifestyles." You know, for babies with a schedule to keep. This particular model may not shoot missiles or turn into a submarine, but it's still fitted with more features than an entry-level sedan, all of which are described using superfluous, rich-people-duping buzzwords.

The Aston Martin pram doesn't have a sturdy frame, for example. It has a "pearlescent [shiny] white chassis" made of "lightweight magnesium alloy," which is supported on an "air-ride suspension." Likewise, the interior is "lined with beautiful cream Alcantara [a polyester-polyurethane amalgam]" Even the "100 percent cashmere baby blanket" is woven on dangerous "Jacquard looms," meaning that $5,000 also compensates the families of workers mutilated during manufacture.

More importantly, the pram's handlebar and bumper bar both sport "Aston Martin" badges, to continually remind poorer parents of the owner's objective and unequivocal superiority.

Aston Martin The metallic surface also makes it easier to clean off poop and puke.

Here's Patrick Bateman to describe it: "[It] features hand-bound Dauphin calfskin sides, meticulously detailed scalloped pinth, and each of the seventy inlays embossed in silver or gold. The board smoothly pivots to unveil a storage area beneath, where the game pieces nestle in soft, black felt."

The game comes with "nearly indestructible leather dice cups," which could also presumably be used to store your collection of trophy teeth from the men you've hunted for sport.

For the much more reasonable price of $11,500, SmartPlayhouse offers the Kyoto Maxi, a minimalist "Japanese-inspired futuristic style" two-story playhouse. To be fair, this one does look like it was designed by a child (with a pair of scissors):

Smart Playhouse You know what else is minimalist? An empty cardboard box.

Whichever option you choose, they're all built tough, with hydrophobically sealed joints, two layers of weather-protective paint, and thermal insulation. So when you tire of little Madison's antics, she can just go live in the yard. Don't forget to charge her rent. You can never start those life lessons too early!

SmartPlayhouse likes to think of their playhouses as an "excellent pedagogic tool," and it's funny -- that's only one word away from the phrase we'd use to describe anybody who buys one.

Your kids will be happier in playing in a wood shack anyway.

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For more dumb stuff the 1 percent spends their money on, check out 9 'Smart' Products Clearly Designed For Stupid Rich People and 9 Everyday Household Items (Only Rich Idiots Would Buy).

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