5 Beloved Games That Have Secret Terrifying Backstories

5

Human Beings Used To Marry Pokemon

In Pokemons Diamond, Pearl and Platinum, players can visit a library to read books of folk tales (why they would choose to do that rather than engage in rad monster fights is anybody's guess). Folk Story 3 tells of Pokemon that were once so close to humans that they ate at the same table and were considered equals. Which seems harmless enough, until you consider that those same creatures are now used for cockfighting and slave labor. And that's pulling from the sanitized American/European version. The original Japanese version reads:

There were once Pokemon that married people. There were once people that married Pokemon. This was a normal thing because long ago people and Pokemon were the same.

Nintendo"So really, you're the weird ones."

It's made weirder still when you consider that Folk Story 1 is all about thanking the Pokemon you eat, and making sure to pick their bones clean. So there was a time in the Pokemon world when Pikachu and company either looked "tasty enough to eat" or, well, tasty enough to eat.

4

Wii Sports Resort Is Built Atop An Indian Burial Ground

Nintendo's simple, addictive Wii Sports collection was a phenomenon, and they knew they had to up the ante for the sequel, Wii Sports Resort. So they added fun new features like Frisbee, wakeboarding, basketball, and a secret backstory about the genocide of the native population by an invading empire.

Nintendo"Don't forget about the kayaking!"

The game is set on Wuhu Island, a tropical resort where all the sports take place. Wuhu is inhabited by Miis -- cute, bigheaded caricatures of humans -- but exploration of the island reveals evidence of two previous societies. Players can find some rather innocuous remnants of these vanished cultures in stone monuments scattered about the place. But if you're very thorough, you'll come across the 1,000-year-old "Mysterious Ruins," whose lore suggests a massive conflict between the locals and a "more advanced civilization."

3

Crash Bandicoot Is Suffering Through The Aftermath Of A Sad And Humiliating Breakup

In the first Crash Bandicoot game, players must help Crash save his beloved Tawna from the evil Dr. Neo Cortex, a task that amounts to running down a series of long corridors in a jaunty fashion.

two penises." width="350" height="197" class="lazy" data-src="https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/7/8/9/647789_v2.jpg" />ActivisionAnd like most marsupials, he has two penises.

2

Final Fantasy X's Official Novel Sequel Blew Off The Main Character's Head With A Cartoon-Style Bomb

Tidus is the main character of Final Fantasy X. His story is complicated, but the gist is that he rids the world of a gigantic whale that's about to annihilate civilization, but in doing so is erased from existence himself. In FFX-2, the sequel to this sequel (not to be mistaken for an actual sequel), the developers had to find the most convoluted way possible to bring Tidus back to life in order to placate their heartbroken hardcore fans. Yay, he's back!

SquaresoftHooray for this guy, we're pretty sure!

1

Splatoon Takes Place After The Apocalypse

Splatoon is Nintendo's take on first-person shooters, which means the guns use paint instead of bullets, and instead of merely trying to survive in the grimmest war mankind will ever see, all you want to do is settle the old "Mayo or ketchup?" Debate. You fight in colorful, good-natured battles between teams of hip little squid-people called Inklings, and the whole experience from top to bottom is very cool, fun, and heartwarming.

NintendoMostly because you're not the one who has to clean up afterwards.

And if you collect the Sunken Scrolls hidden across the single-player campaign, you'll slowly piece together that Inkling civilization is built on the all-but-forgotten remains of humanity.

The first big reveal is that Splatoon takes place 12,000 years in the future, after rising sea levels have killed off all terrestrial life. The Inklings have found at least one human skeleton, but all they know is that it's "a creature." They assume it was primitive and unintelligent, and hey, if we let climate change kill us, maybe they're right.

Nintendo"This is a hoax. I can see a Wii U. Nobody owned that crap."

Oh, and don't go thinking this new civilization is perfect either. In the absence of humanity, squid and other marine life evolved into more intelligent species that took over what little land remained. A century before Splatoon takes place, the Inklings fought the Octarians in the Great Turf Wars. The Inklings won, and the Octarians were forced to live in Octo Valley, an underground ghetto. That's why the game's main multiplayer mode is called Turf Wars -- you're implicitly celebrating a war that forced an entire species onto brutal reservations.

So basically every Nintendo game is in truth about genocide. Yes, even Animal Crossing. Especially Animal Crossing.

Abraham is your friendly neighborhood Mexican writer, living in Mexico and a fan of chocolate atole. You can say hi to him on Twitter here, visit his DeviantArt here, or read him on Quora here.

We know you're smart already and just having the best time building and crafting, but guides for Animal Crossing Pocket Camp are available for the best iteration of that game.

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For more check out 5 Classics Games You Didn't Know Had WTF Backstories and 7 Classic Video Games With Horrifying Backstories.

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