Book Dracula Is An Awkward Loser
We've mentioned before that the original descriptions of Dracula wouldn't heave any bosoms. But you know what? That's unfair. So what if he has weird body hair and bad breath? He's still a nobleman with his own castle. That and a bit of charm can get you plenty of fair maidens. Except Bram Stoker's Dracula wasn't terribly suave, either. In fact, he's downright awkward.
Universal PicturesSeems on track so far.
In one passage of the 1897 fang-fiction, Dracula offers Jonathan Harker a post-supper cigar ... which he, Dracula, had already lit and begun smoking. That's bad manners all by itself, but then Dracula comments offhand that he doesn't smoke. He says this as he's smoking a cigar. The exchange makes Dracula seem more like a confused grandfather than a supernatural womanizer. Can vampires sundown? Is that a thing?
The Michael Scott moments don't stop there. There's another scene wherein Dracula escapes from a band of vampire hunters by hiding in a crowd and sneaking aboard a ship. Dracula's a guy who tends to stand out in a crowd, so how did he accomplish this? By donning a straw hat which, as Van Helsing later recalls, "suit not him or the time." That's right, Dracula looked like so much of a nerd that even stoic Van Helsing couldn't help but make fun of his wardrobe. Imagine Lord Voldemort trying to slink away from Harry by hiding under a pretty floral bonnet. How can you still be scared of a monster after that?
Universal Pictures"Oh my god, I can hear you. Just go back to your room, loser."
Another fun Dweeby Dracula fact: He's a stingy money hoarder. During the same straw hat escape, a hurried Dracula still can't stop his greedy hands from snatching all the loose bills and coins scattered around his hideout. He then palms his couch money and runs, fumbling his precious loose change all the way to the boat, because apparently the master of style has never heard of a wallet. Between the bushy hair in various places and constant clinking of gold coins accompanying his every move, it turns out that instead of Gary Oldman, you should be envisioning Scrooge McDuck.
Manna's character on Twitter is way different from the book.
The Red Wedding also comes in card game form and we'd be remiss not to suggest giving it a try. Come on, it won't kill you!
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For more check out 6 Deleted Scenes That Prove the Book Isn't Always Better and 4 Scenes From Books That Were Too F***cked Up For The Movie.
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