6 Crazy Ways Your Favorite TV Shows Get Written

6

An Episode Of South Park Gets Written, Recorded, And Animated In Less Than A Week

For those curious about how South Park comes up with, say, an episode that simultaneously lampoons R. Kelly, Tom Cruise, and the Flash Gordon-on-mescaline truth of Scientology's wacky cosmology, there's a whole documentary about it. The hour-long doc 6 Days To Air shows how the South Park team puts together an episode in, well, six days. To put that in perspective, a single episode of The Simpsons takes between six and eight months. If all TV shows stuck to South Park's ridiculous schedule, Game Of Thrones would be iPhone footage of a sock puppet dragon fighting with an upturned mop.

It all starts in a writer's room which happens to feature former SNL star Bill Hader, whose job is seemingly to laugh a bunch and generally exude Bill-Hader-ness.

Comedy Central Productions

Comedy Central Productions"No! No! Make it Bill Hader-er!"
"Sorry, Trey."

After the writers have spitballed some funny ideas, Trey Parker isolates himself to write the script. When he gets stuck, Parker builds Lego sets almost meditatively. Another part of Parker's creative process evidently involves wolfing down copious amounts of McDonald's -- which presumably inspired Terrance and Philip's raging flatulence.

Comedy Central Productions"Eh, with deadlines like this, might as well embrace the void."

And then, instead of outsourcing the animation to Korea, the South Park crew does everything in the same office, from storyboards to animation to audio recording. They stop just short of showing up at college dorms to help kids smoke pot and download torrents.

Once they finish the exhausting process, they deliver the episode to the network with hours to spare ... at which point Parker declares that it's a piece of shit. Hey, at least they get a whole day to rest before beginning the cycle anew.

Comedy Central Productions"... which is obviously still way better than Family Guy."

5

Many Of The Simpsons' Best Episodes Were Written By A Genius Recluse

Over the course of his career, John Swartzwelder wrote 59 episodes of The Simpsons, including all of your favorites, such as "Bart The General," "You Only Move Twice," and "Itchy And Scratchy Land." Yes, believe it or not, a human mind came up with this gag:

So what was Swartzwelder's technique for surefire critical acclaim? Well, it involved a shitload of cigarettes and a deadly allergy to showing up to staff meetings -- or indeed, dealing with anybody, ever. Although he started out working at the office, Swartzwelder was eventually released from duty (and from giving a shit) due to his habit of chain-smoking indoors despite it being forbidden. Without the obligation to operate from an office, he eventually found his perfect working environment: a specific booth in a local diner, from which he'd spend every day pouring down coffee and pouring out his heart and blackened, blackened lungs. He became so attached to this booth that (according to Matt Groening on one Season 8 DVD commentary) when The Man banned smoking in public places, Swartzwelder bought the booth and had it installed in his own home.

4

Seinfeld Hired Writers For Their Weird Stories (Which Became The Show's Plots)

It's no secret that Seinfeld was based on a lot of Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David's real-life experiences, such as having an eccentric neighbor named Kramer. Of course, at a certain point, the pair had to seek out other writers ... mainly, it seems, to siphon off their amusing anecdotes for use in the show.

3

Star Trek: The Next Generation Was Sometimes Written By Fans

Some weeks you'd tune into Star Trek: The Next Generation, only to be assaulted by exploding heads and Cronenberg puppet monsters, while other weeks you might get plumes of green mist doling out space orgasms. So what went into this genius hodgepodge of space adventure with the occasional confused eroticism?

Well, a lot of it came directly from the fans. While modern shows won't associate with the riff-raff of viewers, The Next Generation decided to accept "unsolicited" spec scripts, and was the only major show to do so at the time. And although they probably got a bunch of scripts in which the Enterprise travels back to 1980s Earth in search of an unemployed writer living in a studio apartment to captain the ship and make sweet love to Deanna Troi, the policy also resulted in some great episodes, such as the acclaimed "The Measure Of A Man." There was also the one with Data's daughter, the one where Geordi becomes a glow-in-the-dark alien ... hell, even that classic sex ghost episode originated from a spec script.

And as for how these inexperienced writers were able to crack such scientifically complex dialogue? Future Battlestar Galactica helmer Ronald D. Moore (who also got a job on TNG through spec scripts) dropped the bomb that they would just write the word "tech" in the script "whenever they need to resolve a story," and specialists would write in some sciencey jargon later on. An initial draft would read something like this:

2

The Next 14 Transformers Movies Were Plotted Out In A Hasbro-Covered Sweat Lodge

We don't know much about how the early installments of the Transformers live-action film series were written, but we're going to guess that it probably involved measuring how big an erection Michael Bay got when he started dreaming up action sequences. Oh, and writing in female parts so he'd have someone to wash his car. As it became clear that the series refused to die, however, fresh ideas were needed -- hence the creation of a sitcom-esque writer's room, wherein a team of scribes were paid $200,000 each to dream up as many premises as their talents and consciences allowed them to.

But this particular writers' room wasn't simply chairs and a vending machine. Oh no, in order to get those writing juices flowing, Hasbro had the room stocked with as many Transformers products as conceivably possible. Pinball machines, action figures, artwork, giant model robots, you name it -- the writers had to dim the lights and breath that shit in like shamans divining messages from Megatron.

every incarnation of the brand was represented." width="350" height="409" class="lazy" data-src="https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/7/7/6/641776_v2.jpg" />HasbroHopefully, not every incarnation of the brand was represented.

1

Every Episode Of Rick & Morty Is Made Using A Very Specific Formula (And Occasionally Booze)

Even if you've never watched Rick & Morty, you've no doubt heard about the intense loyalty it inspires. Want to know the secret to creating a hit motherfucking show that moves people to swap a 1 oz sauce packet for a 2000 Volkswagen Golf MK4? So did we. Here's what we found out.

Each episode is written using specific a formula: co-creator Dan Harmon's "Story Circle" or "Embryos." Harmon has been using this basic structure to write scripts since at least his previous show, like this:

FilmInTheMaking/YouTube"Order" represents the side with pepperoni, "Chaos" the side with pineapples.

The Story Circle was inspired by The Hero With A Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell. Harmon adapted it to work for him, and meta-hilarity ensued. YouTuber FilmInTheMaking gives us an excellent rundown of Harmon's Story Circle using Rick & Morty's pilot: