In case you've been living under a rock, or living under a rock that has no WiFi, you probably know that "Tiberius" is Captain Kirk's middle name. Tiberius Chase is one of Kirk's ancestors, and he was "raised by a family with a xenophobic 'Earth first' attitude." Meaning that the rebooted Star Trek almost focused on Kirk's racist-ass relatives. That would be like rebooting the Bourne franchise, but choosing to focus on Jason Bourne's Holocaust-denying great uncle.
Paramount Pictures"REPLICATE THAT WALL!"
On an even darker note, the plot was going to involve an attack by Romulans demanding that Earth hand over any Vulcan citizens so they can "destroy the Vulcan race." Of course, once J.J. Abrams came on board, all of this was scrapped -- though you have to wonder if they considered livening up the genocide-heavy story with some sweet Beastie Boys tracks.
Kong: Skull Island Was Going To Open With The Original King Kong Getting Murdered
The Reboot We Got:
The latest attempt to remake King Kong nixes the whole "awkward Broadway show gone haywire" portion of the Kong story, focusing instead on the expedition to Skull Island ("Giant Ape Island" may have been a better name, though admittedly less mysterious). The new movie also moves the action from the 1930s into the '70s, just so they can cram a bunch of CCR tunes onto the soundtrack and make the whole thing a half-baked Vietnam allegory. But the movie's exciting opening takes place during World War II, with two soldiers (one American and one Japanese) fighting on a cliff, whereupon the shadowy figure of Kong appears. Anyone who's ever gotten into a drunken fistfight on the Universal Studios tour likely knows the feeling.
Warner Bros. Pictures
Warner Bros. PicturesIt's a little distracting that the Japanese soldier is voiced by Will Ferrell, to be honest.
The Insane Idea:
Originally, the movie was going to open with a big "Fuck you" to the original King Kong. You know, one of the greatest movies of all time. According to director Jordan Vogt-Roberts, his pitch for Skull Island also began in WWII, with an army battling on the beaches of Skull Island. Eventually they stumble upon a big ape who looks very much like the original King Kong ... and then totally shoot him. Dead.
RKO Pictures"It was B-534s killed the beast."
The idea being that "you're sitting there going, 'Wait, did they just kill King Kong? Did they kill the hero of this film?'" But right when you think the movie has murdered its star and you'll have to give all that popcorn to a hobo, the King Kong from this movie would show up, not only alive but also way bigger than the original giant ape. That's right, this movie almost picked a metaphorical dick-measuring contest with classic cinema.
Luckily, the studio responded with a terse "You can't do that," meaning that the King Kong reboot wouldn't begin with a beloved movie monster being gunned down in cold blood. At least, not this one. There's always Frankenstein.
You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter, or check out the podcast Rewatchability.
Get your own reboot going with a guide to script writing from Celtx.
If you loved this article and want more content like this, support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
For more check out 21 Terrible Hollywood Reboots And Why They Failed and 22 Reboots of Classic TV Shows Too Awesome To Exist.
Also follow us on Facebook. For real.