In the circus that is the internet, the news outlets are the clown car. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with the endless parade of wacky headlines while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous headlines from the last week (or so).

THE UNITED NATIONS RELOCATED STAFF IN MALAWI AFTER VIGILANTE MOBS KILLED FIVE PEOPLE SUSPECTED OF BEING VAMPIRES. Fear of witchcraft has grown in the

GILLIAN ANDERSON WILL LEAVE THE X-FILES FOLLOWING SEASON 11. Anderson, who plays Agent Scully, came back for the 10th season revival. She returned to

Source: TV Guide

PRESIDENT TRUMP THREATENED TO REVOKE NETWORKS' LICENSES. Donald J. Trump CrealDonaldTrump Follow With all of the Fake News coming out of NBC and the N

Source: BBC

WILDFIRES IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA HAVE DESTROYED HOMES AND KILLED AT LEAST ONE PERSON. Fires in Napa and Sonoma have resulted in hundreds of injuries a

Source: CNN

THE DEATH OF KENNEKA JENKINS, A 19-YEAR-OLD CHICAGO WOMAN WHOSE BODY WAS FOUND IN THE WALK-IN FREEZER OF THE CROWNE PLAZA CHICAGO O'HARE HOTEL, WAS RU

Source: CNN

AUTHORITIES UNCOVERED AN ATTEMPTED BOMBING AT A NORTH CAROLINA AIRPORT. Authorities arrested Michael Christopher Estes after he allegedly planted an e

Source: USA Today

20th CENTURY FOOX ANNOUNCED THAT ITS GAMBI FILM STARRING CHANNING TATUM WILL PREMIERE ON FEBRUARY 14, 2019. CRACKED COM

Source: Deadline

MARVEL HAS CANCELLED A HIGHLY CRITICIZED COMIC-CON PRESENTATION FEATURING A CROSSOVER BETWEEN THE AVENGERS AND REAL WEAPONS MANUFACTURER NORTHROP GRUM

Source: Fortune

POLICE IN LONDON AND NEW YORK HAVE OPENED INVESTIGATIONS ON HARVEY WEINSTEIN, WITH LOS ANGELES REPORTEDLY REVIEWING THE OPTION AS WELL. The inquiries

TERRY CREWS REVEALED IN A SERIES OF TWEETS THAT HE WAS ONCE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BY A HIGH LEVEL HOLLYWOOD EXECUTIVE. terrycrevs terrycrews terrycrows

Source: The AV Club

YOUTUBE HAS BANNED VIDEO TUTORIALS FOR BUMP STOCKS, A DEVICE USED IN THE LAS VEGAS SHOOTING. C10 CANINIS YouTube made the change in response to the

Source: Tech Crunch

FRANKIE MUNIZ SAYS HE DOESN'T REMEMBER MUCH OF MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE DUE TO TRAUMA-INDUCED MEMORY LOSS. Muniz has suffered numerous concussions and st

SALLY JONES, A 50-YEAR-OLD BRITISH MOTHER OF TWO, WHO JOINED ISIS IN 2013 AND BECAME KNOWN AS THE WHITE WIDOW, WAS REPORTEDLY KILLED IN A DRONE STRI

Source: Yahoo! News

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