"Have you ever felt like your cat or dog wasn't just a pet, but a member of the family?" IKEA said in the description of their new line of furniture for pets. "It's exactly that focus that led IKEA to make the comprehensive LURVIG pet product range." IKEA clearly doesn't understand family. IKEA furniture tears families apart. Try searching three hours to find the missing N-2027 screw to the Ploooikta lounger, without winding up going through a divorce.
Is that what IKEA wants? For us to divorce our pets? Because that's what's going to happen once we get our furry friends involved in furniture assembly. Picture this scene, because it is inevitable: A frenzied owner cries, "Baxter, which way does this peg go? Baxter? Are you even trying? Baxter do you even love me anymore?? I bought this miniature couch for you Baxter!" Baxter's owner then runs away in tears, while Baxter is left wondering how a piece of furniture could come between him and his beloved owner. He licks his balls circ*mspectly.
Dog has been man's best friend for over ten thousand years, but that time has come to an end. After a day of trying to place every 100-count tiny bolt into a tiny bed, both man and dog will reconsider their alliance. Cats, on the other hand, will love this new furniture. There's no greater pleasure for a cat than to watch their owners struggle and question the meaning of their own existence.
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The flow of time is cruel to us all.
- By Mark Hill
- April 12, 2019