Cats Are Systematically Destroying All Life On Earth

Cats Are Systematically Destroying All Life On Earth

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We have to revise our conception of the apocalypse. It's not going to be filled with zombies, or Tom Hardys, but with cats. Whatever destructive force that causes humanity to crumble will be taken advantage of by cats. In fact, they are probably engineering our demise right now. First they will kill off all songbirds, thrusting all of humanity into a vague malaise. This malaise will cause world leaders to take increasingly more self-destructive actions, until we wipe ourselves out with nukes.

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But don't worry about the cats. The nukes will only make them stronger. Having absorbed the radioactive fallout, the cats will mutate to be even stronger and cuter than they are now. The tattered remnants of humanity will stand no chance. The cats can climb walls, open boxes, and squeeze through small openings. Hordes of adorable kittens will surround survivors, who will be unable to resist their adorable purrs and will simply allow the kittens to overwhelm and consume them. Soon the whole world will be cats and humanity will perish, except one man named Jon Arbuckle, who will be kept as a can-opening slave and the butt of all cat humor.

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