5 Multi-Million Dollar Inventions (Nobody Really Owns)

5

Legally Speaking, Emojis Qualify As The Alphabet

Emojis have become a valuable way of saying how we feel without the hassle of, y'know, saying it. More importantly, they've become their own little pop culture phenomenon, spawning toys, apparel, and even a movie -- the only film inspired by language after that Alphabetti Spaghetti erotic thriller fell through. But unlike almost any other giant franchise, any random person is allowed to get in on the emoji action. That's because emojis are (sigh) part of the very foundation of modern language.

Yup, emojis are part of the alphabet -- just not the one we're taught at school. The alphabet in question is Unicode, the industry standard of how computers represent text. It basically contains every symbol we've scribbled down from the dawn of man until now, from the letter "A" to "winky faces" to whatever the hell that pile of poop is smiling about. And fortunately for those who like walking around in T-shirts with smiling turds on them, you can't own an emoji any more than you can own a letter -- were that the case, Apple would've added a little (TM) to every character in its name by now.

However, the same doesn't apply to fonts, or how the Unicode looks. A font is a design, meaning it can be copyrighted. (Yes, that technically makes whoever came up with Comic Sans an artist, but let's try not to dwell on that.) Whenever you're sent an emoji, you typically receive it transformed into the default style of your software. You may get sent this:

But from the sender's perspective, they may have sent you one of these:

So if you want to use an emoji for any commercial purposes, make sure it looks slightly different than the ones guarded by Facebook's many, many lawyers. Otherwise you'll be Pointing Up emoji Smiling Poo emoji National Park emoji No Entry emoji Ping Pong emoji.

4

The Woman Who Came Up With The Fidget Spinner Didn't Become A Billionaire

Fidget spinners are the latest in a long tradition -- dating all the way back to the Slinky and the Drinking Bird -- of toy makers exploiting the fact that we're all still medieval peasants who gasp at the most basic display of physics. By the time you read this, another fad has probably taken their place ("Hey kids, it's the entropy yo-yo!"), but surely at least some inventor got a Porsche out of them, right? Nope, fidget spinners remain patent-free, because it seems no one thought kids would be dumb enough to like them.

3

The Thermos Popularized Itself To Death

What do aspirin, heroin, dry ice, kerosene, and trampolines have in common, besides making for a memorable night out? They've all been the victims of genericide, which oddly isn't the proper wordage for a really bland mass killing. In the past, companies often aspired to have their brand name become synonymous with the product itself, figuring that everyone saying their name over and over counts as free advertising. What they often didn't realize was that by doing so, they ran the risk of losing their brand's trademark, allowing anyone to market the product under that name. It's like how Otis Elevator Co. ruined their name when everyone started calling their invention elevators instead of the original term, up-and-down coffins [citation needed].

The perfect example of this kind of marketing hubris came from the King-Seeley Thermos Company. The company, which had cornered the slightly metallic-tasting hot beverages market, decided not only to bank on their market share, but to also actively advertise it. In its marketing, King-Seeley barely mentioned that it sold vacuum flasks (the proper term for their product). That's because it sold something far better: the Thermos.

Thermos

2

Anybody (And Everybody) Cashed In On The Pog Craze

Back in the 1990s, Pogs were the dumbass kids' fad du jour, but the craze did have something many of its predecessors didn't: ad space. And paradoxically, that's precisely what ended up losing Pogs' rightful owners a whole lot of money.

The origin of Pogs (best described as jacks, but more boring) is somewhat contested, but the origin of the name isn't. It comes from the Haleakala Dairy of Maui, Hawaii, which sold a bottled drink made of passion fruit, orange, and guava -- conveniently called POG ("GOP" was already taken). As the legend goes, bored workers would play with the cardboard bottle caps carrying the distinctive Pog logo. Eventually it became a favorite pastime for Hawaiian kids, who had little other entertainment going on in their tropical island paradise.

eBay

1

If You Invent A Hot New Recipe, Take That Shit To The Grave

When a chef creates a new recipe, it is their job to keep it from the prying eyes of the public and other chefs. That's because recipes are not protected by copyright, as they are "mere listings of ingredients" -- another reason U.S. Copyright Office workers aren't great at dinner parties. Unlike music, art, or literature, you can't create food. Only God and very powerful warlocks can do that.

With the advent of food blogs, what some call food plagiarism has become quite rampant. Moments after some chef becomes a foodie sensation by figuring out that peaches go great with Hungarian barbecue ribs, another food place will have paid "homage" to their signature dish, like they're the Quentin Tarantino of dead pigs. Sure, for the original cronut, you have to go to Dominique Ansel Bakery in New York City. But for one that tastes exactly the same, you only have to go to any other bakery that has croissant dough and a deep fat fryer.

This is why big food names like Coca-Cola and KFC go to ridiculous lengths to safeguard their specific recipes. The liquor industry once had a similar situation, with stoic bartenders guarding their cocktail recipes with their lives. However, their trade secrets have been all but wiped out due to "brand ambassadors" -- C-grade mixologists hired by big brands to push their booze by creating snazzy signature cocktails, but who usually wind up stealing or googling an existing drink and throwing some ginger in.