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Craig Ferguson, The Inconspicuous King Of Late Night

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5 Deleted Scenes That Would've Made Movies 10 Times Darker

By:: Jordan Breeding; Nathan Wadowski

October 05, 2017

5 Deleted Scenes That Would've Made Movies 10 Times Darker

Deleted movie scenes are usually nothing but fun little bonuses for the fans. They can provide some laughs, new character insights, or a different perspective on the plot. What they don't usually do is completely ruin the movie for you by revealing that some of those lovable innocent side characters secretly suffered fates worse than death. Like how ...

5 There's A Human Toilet In The 2017 Beauty And The Beast

The live-action remake of Disney's Beauty And The Beast caused a bit of a stir by implying that Gaston's sidekick LeFou was gay. Because in a story full of kidnapping, mental illness, and people being transformed into were-buffaloes, the craziest idea is that a guy could ever fall in love with Luke Evans.

But that's only because they cut the human toilet.

In one deleted scene, LeFou runs into a bathroom to avoid the big final brawl. Once there, he encounters an animated toilet, who it seems is still feeling the digestive aftereffects of being force-fed a particularly epic Beast shit. Yes, the toilet had to "eat" them.

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In another deleted scene, LeFou reunites with a now-human Monsieur Toilet, an utterly broken man who apparently still smells of the Beast's Taco Tuesdays:

"Have you seen the optometrist? I have pinkeye ... bad ..."

With dead, sunken eyes and a stare of eternal horror, this poor man stumbles around like the undead, unable to enjoy the fact that he's human again. And as he slowly meanders off-camera, telling LeFou he needs to brush his teeth (they'll never come clean), the audience is left to guess at his final fate.

It is not a difficult guess.

They didn't have the Suicide Hotline back then.

4 Ratts Tyerell From The Phantom Menace Had A Loving Wife And Three Children

Who or what is a Ratts Tyerell, you ask? This is Ratts Tyerell:

"WAAA!"

Unless you've played Star Wars Episode I Racer on N64, this is probably the first time you've ever heard his name. He only appears in The Phantom Menace itself for about five seconds, all so he can embarrassingly explode in the first lap of the podrace, and doing so while making a noise like a goose choking on a kazoo.

But we'll tell you who probably does remember him: his family. Originally, Ratts' death was meant to be comically depressing, as seen from a deleted scene wherein the race announcer introduces us not only to Ratts, but also to Mrs. Tyerell ... and their three young children. All cheering their daddy from the sidelines. You know, minutes before he's vaporized.

"Also, folks, Ratts is only one day away from retirement!"

It goes on. See the little baby that Mrs. Tyerell is holding?

According to the announcers, she literally just got out of the hospital after having the kid and brought the newborn to the race to show support for her husband. Who, again, explodes comically. Welcome to the Dark Side of one-off joke characters.

3 Near The End Of The Mask, Peggy Is "Hilariously" Murdered

In the 1994 Jim Carrey movie The Mask, a shy bank teller finds a magical mask and receives all the powers of Loki, but with absolutely none of the sex appeal. The mask essentially lets its wearer shape reality to their will, creating, destroying, or transforming matter in any way they want. The main character mainly uses this power to try to score with Cameron Diaz, as was the way of the '90s.

The Mask comes across reporter Peggy Brandt, and the two form a kind of friendship. At one point, she even rescues him from the police ... but then later she sells his green ass to a crime lord who wants the powers of the Mask for himself. In the theatrical run, we see Peggy receive a suitcase full of money for her betrayal, and then disappear without a trace. But in the original cut, Peggy doesn't make it out alive.

In the deleted scene, the Mask-powered crime boss, Dorian, throws Peggy into a printing press, horrifically crushing her to death. Then the press uses Mask-magic to churn out a bunch of newspapers with a picture of her face being smooshed on the front page, all of them printed in her blood. She doesn't merely die in terrible pain; her remains are ironically violated and perhaps magically cursed. H-hilarious?

2 There's A Gruesome Serial Killer In Cars

There is a lot of subtly terrifying stuff about the world of Pixar's Cars series. There's the fact that it had a car Hitler in it, that one car had eyes where its nipples should be, and the Murder Forest. Not familiar with that last one?

In this deleted scene, hero Lightning McQueen gets lost and stumbles upon a spot in a forest. It's full of old cars, some of them impaled on trees. Pixar claims it was a graveyard, but from McQueen's point of view, it's hard to see this as anything but a fucked-up horror movie.

Or a really fucked-up Rule 34.

See, the world of Cars mirrors ours in many ways. The Cars' cars have houses, restaurants, toilets, etc, so it stands to reason they also have graveyards. Maybe that's what junkyards are? The shells all lined up neatly somewhere, so loved ones can visit? They definitely don't abandon their deceased family members in some offroad forest and let the forest mutilate them. McQueen obviously disturbed some psycho's open-air murder showroom, which is why he gets out of there as soon as possible. While screaming.

Or would it be honking?

No, no that was definitely screaming.

1 A Kid Is Killed By Zombies In The Scorch Trials, And Nobody Cares

The Scorch Trials is the second film in the Maze Runner series. These YA films are set on a post-apocalyptic Earth after a solar flare / global pandemic combo. The titular Maze is a science experiment meant to study the brains of young people who are immune to the world-ending virus, which for some reason necessitates the need to kill them with elephant-sized bio-tech spiders.

In Scorch Trials, the few teens who managed to survive the Maze find themselves attacked by zombies created by the virus. One of those Maze survivors is a kid named Jack, who at one point just ... disappears. First, here are the survivors before they enter an abandoned mall filled with zombies, with Jack standing on the left:

And here they are a few horror-and-zombie-filled moments later, with Jack not standing anywhere, because he's no longer with the group:

He disappeared quicker than interest in this franchise.

And THIS is what was supposed to happen in the middle:

Jack sacrifices his life to help his friends escape, getting torn to pieces by sci-fi zombies in the process. The scene was cut because Jack reportedly left so little impact on audiences that the director felt he could cut the death scene and no one would notice.

He was right.

Not only did audiences seem ambivalent about what happened to Jack, but so did his so-called friends, none of whom ever talk about Jack or his sacrifice, despite later making a big fuss about their other friend Winston, who's only bitten by one zombie. So there's your lesson, Bland Movie Dudes: Adopt a catchphrase or something, because otherwise you'll die horrifically ... and what's worse, you'll do it off-screen.

Jordan Breeding also writes for Paste Magazine, the Twitter, and with a dirty, dirty spray can in various back alleys. Nathan is a Christian and says things like "Amen." He is also called Treegnome and has a hilarious website here.

Keep Ratts Tyerell's memory in your heart with this Star Wars Vintage Kenner Reproduction action figure set.

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