Sometimes the news is like a car alarm in a parking garage. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

MADONNA BLOCKED THE AUCTION OF A LOVE LETTER FROM TUPAC SHAKUR. The singer said she wasn't aware the letter, as well as other personal items, was no l

Source: CNN

A BALTIMORE POLICE OFFICER WAS CAUGHT PLANTING DRUGS BY HIS OWN BODY CAM. Officer Richard Pinheiro is seen in the footage hiding and then pretending t

Source: NPR

MALAUSIA HAS BANNED THE PANISH-LANGUAGE HIT SONG DESPACITO CITING CINNAPROPRIATE SEHUAL REFERENCES AND INNUENDOS. However, the ban applies only to st

Source: CNN Money

TWO MORE GOP SENATORS HAVE COME OUT AGAINST THE CURRENT HEALTHCARE BILL, KILLING IT. Senators Jerry Moran of Kansas and Mike Lee of Utah have come out

Source: CNN

MARK RUFFALO SAID HE'LL NEVER BE IN A STAND-ALONE MOVIE. Ruffalo said that while he would like to see it happen, Universal, who owns the rights to a H

Source: Polygon

AN AMERICAN GRAD STUDENT HAS BEEN GIVEN 10 YEARS IN PRISON IN IRAN FOR ALLEGED SPYING. Xiyue Wang is a graduate student studying history at Princeton,

Source: Time

ACTOR JOHN HEARD, BEST KNOWN FOR HIS ROLE AS PETER MCCALLISTER IN THE HOME ALONe MOVIES... HAS DIED AT AGE 71.

Source: ABC News

O.J. SIMPSON WAS GRANTED PAROLE. Simpson has served nine years for kidnapping and armed robbery for a 2007 incident in Las Vegas involving the former

Source: CNN

MICHAEL KEATON AND COLIN FARRELL WILL STAR IN TIM BURTON'S DUMBO. Danny DeVito and Eva Green are also set to act in the film. The movie is coming out

Source: The AV Club

ELON MUSK SAYS THAT ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS A THREAT TO CIVILIZATION. In a talk to United States governors, Musk discussed the existential threat

Source: NPR

SEAN SPICER HAS RESIGNED AS WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY. The resignation is said to be an act of disapproval over the appointment of Anthony Scaramucc

A WOMAN WAS KILLED BY POLICE AFTER SHE CALLED 911. The woman, Justine Ruszczyk, was fatally shot by police in Minneapolis. She had called 911 about a

Source: NBC News

THE FROZEN REMAINS OF A COUPLE MISSING FOR 75 YEARS WERE FOUND ON A GLACIER NEAR CHANDOLIN, SWITZERLAND. They were identified as Marcelin and Francine

SENATOR JOHN McCAIN HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH A BRAIN TUMOR WHICH WAS DISCOVERED DURING A PROCEDURE TO REMOVE A BLOOD CLOT. Otherwise, his health is ex

Source: CNBC

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