The mom doesn't buy it, but spends an uncomfortably long chunk of the movie racking her brain as to who could have invited these men to the island. When at the end her daughter tearfully admits that she was behind the whole thing, her mom actually gasps in disbelief. At least we know where you didn't get the brains from, Amanda.
Marcus Is Forced To Keep Pretending To Be Mike In Bad Boys For ... Fun?
Martin Lawrence is a devoted husband with a stable family life, but his partner Will Smith is a hard-partying bachelor. It is the law of buddy cop juxtaposition. It must not be violated. So when a woman witnesses a murder linked to the theft of $100 million in heroin, the pair have no choice but to work together. Because the witness will only tell her story to Smith's character Mike, whom she's never met, Lawrence's Detective Marcus must pretend to be his partner in order to solve the case, save his precinct, and shout one-liners while shooting explosions at bad guys.
It's a Michael Bay movie, after all.
Why It's Stupid:
When Julie, the witness, first meets Marcus, she doesn't believe that he's Mike ... but she still puts her life in his hands after he saves her from assassins sent by a vicious drug lord. And in that moment, right after he had risked his life to protect her, Marcus could have absolutely sat Julie down and said, "Hey, you know how a couple of minutes ago I said I was that guy and you didn't believe me? Yeah, I'm not really him. He'll be with us shortly. Sorry for lying to you, but as you can see, people clearly want you dead and it was the only way to save your life."
"Also, I'm sorry, but you won't land a decent leading role again until 2014."
Instead, Marcus and Mike are forced to keep up the unnecessary and elaborate charade, chock-full o' wacky situations. Marcus is forced to bunk with the witness in Mike's house, a place that is packed full of his pictures, while ladykiller Mike moves into Marcus' house, completely messing up his family life. In the end, all it amounts to is adding 40+ minutes of filler to the movie's runtime. In a Michael Bay movie, that feels like an eternity.
Cartoon Mouse Societies Should Have Come Out Of The Shadows Years Ago
The Rescuers and The Great Mouse Detective both boil down to the same inexplicably specific premise: There are incredibly intelligent and crafty rodents out there who've managed to build a shadow society right under our very noses.
Why It's Stupid:
The Rescuers tells the story of a secret society of mice from all over the world whose sole job is to help out kids in trouble. Cool. How about letting humans in on that racket? Due to their small stature, the mice are excellent infiltrators, and they are amazing at gathering intel. But there comes a time when having a big human, preferably one with a gun, would have saved some time -- time that they shouldn't be wasting when there is, say, a missing child to find.
Basil is a rodent who lives in the same flat as Sherlock Holmes in The Great Mouse Detective, and like Holmes, Basil is as big a jerk as he is a genius. And yet it never once occurred to him to reveal himself to Holmes and ask him for help in dealing with his nemesis, Professor Ratigan. And who knows? In Holmes' drug-fueled state, he might even listen to a talking mouse. Then it's a simple matter of blasting that top-hat-wearing rat with a shotgun. Problem solved! Leaving the remainder of the film free to explore what happens when a mouse/detective duo do insane amounts of cocaine together.
Barry Scott is a new contributor to Cracked and has a blog for all his petty thoughts. Check it out at https://www.therantgent.com/.
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