Driving is so necessary to most people's lives that it's almost harder to NOT know how to do it, especially after your agent tells you that you got a part in something called The Fast And The Furious. Did they think it was about bicycle racing? Cranky competitive eating? Having violent sex with turtles? That's ridiculous! Turtles have sex very slowly, over the course of many hours! And it sounds like this: HFONK! HFFONK! HFONK!!! HRAAAWWWWW cheecheechee! HFONK! What were we talking about? Oh yeah, fun behind-the-scenes facts that ruin movies. Here's another great one ...
If A Young Actor Is Simulating Sex, Their Mom Is There To Watch
By law, sex involving underage people can be "depicted" onscreen within specific boundaries. To ensure things don't turn into a magnet for depraved sitcom dads, the filming of these scenes of minor sex are heavily monitored. And by "heavily monitored," we mean the underage actors and/or actresses need their parents to be there. On set. Watching every confused, awkward, inexperienced thrust.
For instance, because Christopher Mintz-Plasse was only 17 at the time of his infamous Superbad sex scene, his dear mother was forced to watch the whole thing. The scene is awkward enough as it is, but Mintz-Plasse's mom was not only there when he pulled out a tube of lube, but she has also refused to talk with him about it since. It just lingers there, haunting their relationship, making them each lean ever so slightly away from each other when a commercial for Vaseline comes on their TV.
The only way this could be more uncomfortable is if Stephen Collins was also on set.
As of press time, it's still unknown whether fellow Superbad star Michael Cera's mother had to be on set for his titillating boob punch. Probably? It might skirt the law, since it's not quite simulated sex, but every child should have his mother there for his first boob punch.
"Perfect, honey! Just like we practiced!"
And it's not only goofy love scenes in wacky comedies that require parents to hang around set and watch their children pretend-hump. Sometimes it's even darker. Like rape scenes.
Game Of Thrones, probably the first thing you think of when you hear the phrase "rape scenes," is what we're talking about at the moment. Taking it a step further, the show had an attempted rape scene in season two involving teenage Sansa Stark, who's played by Sophie Turner, who was underage at the time of filming. The crazy thing about shooting that scene wasn't so much that Turner's mom was a few feet away -- she had been watching her daughter film crazy shit for a while at that point -- it also happened to be the day her dad showed up as a surprise. "This is going to be great! Where's Sophie filming today? I'm her dad and I wanted to surprise h- AIIEEEEEEEEE!"
"Forget winter, could no one have mentioned my father is coming?"
And while both of those actors handled it well, like professional turtles fucking into a sound designer's microphone, Julianne Hough had a really hard, veiny time with her mom being on set during a sex scene for Safe Haven. Since Hough was 22 at the time, her mom definitely wasn't required to be there, and she demanded that her mother stay behind her and out of her sight line while she turtled down on her co-star, Josh Duhamel. Which meant Hough's mother was instead locking eyes with the guy her daughter was having pretend-sex with.
At this point, we're kind of surprised any of these people grow up to be well-adjusted human beings.
Jordan Breeding also writes officially for Paste Magazine, unofficially on the Twitter and his blog , and with a dirty, dirty spray can in various back alleys.
For more looks behind the curtain, check out 8 Family Movies That Were Horror Films Behind The Scenes and 5 Behind The Scenes Stories That Ruin Great Movies.
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