Daredevil Can Punch Women: 5 Super-Ignored Superhero Crimes

When he arrives and parks in a tow-away zone, a nearby officer threatens to seize the suspicious-looking vehicle. Parker wasn't planning to keep it, so he shrugs it off. Peter just gave that officer some extra motivation to run the car's plate number and, were that to happen, the cop would discover that it was literally just involved in a high-speed chase with shots fired in downtown Manhattan, including the destruction of multiple police cars.

Then Peter would have two options: lie about driving the car during the chase and plead guilt to a litany of crimes, or admit to being Spider-Man and plead guilty of a litany of crimes. Saving five minutes risked Peter's anonymity and the safety of his loved ones, plus hugely inconvenienced the very police force he's trying to help. But then again, it was a pretty sweet car. Who are we to judge?

Related: Casual Sex Sleepovers Are Now A Crime In Great Britain

Kent walks away because he's the better man ... or at least the more passive-aggressive one.

Instead of killing the guy, he super-destroys the guy's truck in a crowded, well-lit parking lot that probably has security cameras. Clark outs himself as a freaky alien god just to pettily destroy the property of some guy who was a total dick that one time. Now, just like with Spider-Man, we would almost certainly have done the same thing in his position -- but we're not supposed to be role models. We're barely even citizens.

Related: 5 Secretly Hilarious Scenes Movies Knew You'd Never Notice

That's a woman's worst nightmare. Some handsy fuck corners her and grabs at her, and his response to her saying "I don't like being touched" is an incredibly creepy "Why don't you tell me what you do like?" No one seems to notice or care, despite being broad daylight in the most densely populated city in America. Thankfully, Elektra is a trained ninja and fights back. A series of kicks and flips leads to the two of them balancing on seesaws, because this movie is dumb. Some kids playing basketball finally start paying attention to the ongoing episode of SVU, but cheer them on instead of looking for help, treating what certainly appears to be attempted sexual assault like a pick-up game.

When the fight ends, the children go back to basketball as if they didn't just watch a sexually violent ninja fight. Daredevil is incredibly lucky that he stalked the one woman in the world who considers street brawling flirtatious, and in the one place where people would rather watch and take bets instead of calling the fucking police.

Related: Daredevil Is Joining The MCU, Here's Where Netflix Left Him Off

Even though his continued survival relies on complete secrecy, he is the loudest, craziest man in New York. And that's a high bar.

This is a world where the evil vampires secretly control almost everything. Does Blade care? No. He even takes the time to remove his sunglasses and berate Karen for not being vampire woke while the crowd mills about him, the gun from all of five seconds ago immediately forgotten. Lucky for Blade, this is also a world where people see a man with a gun and a goddamn sword assault a police officer and don't even think to so much as tweet about it.

Related: A Quick Guide To What 'Defunding The Police' Means

Part of ATC's job is to check in with pilots via radio. Superman doesn't fly around with a headset on, and he's too small to track on radar, so no one has any idea where the hell he is, or where he's going. If Green Lantern gets distracted by how awful his movie is, this could happen:

This is why all civilian pilots have to file flight plans with the FAA before take-off. That way, ATC can warn them of other planes in their path, and coordinate the whole thing. But Batman doesn't file a flight plan when he busts out the Batwing. Airports are restricted airspace for a reason. The President is a moving no-fly zone, and Wonder Woman's invisible jet could meet a Patriot missile if she flies too close to Mar-a-Lago. The FAA also sets standards for air speed. Superman can only fly 200 knots over land, so he doesn't smash windows by blasting through the sound barrier. There's even an entire list of regulations about avoiding thunderstorms. You know, the kind Thor causes just about every single time he flies.

Ryan Lichtenstein makes a weird, progressive kid's show you can watch here. Or follow him on Twitter.

For more superheroes that belong behind bars, check out 7 Movies With Horrible Mass Deaths You Never Noticed and The 7 Biggest Dick Moves in the History of Superheroes.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 4 Reasons Spider-Man is Secretly Bad at His Job, and other videos you won't see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and we'll follow you everywhere.