The news outlets are the Tamagotchis of the new millennium. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with the constant barrage of headlines while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).
Source: Dallas News
Bawitdaba, pass the green beans.
It's hard out there for millionaire purveyors of garbage pizza.