5 People Who Ruled At Things They Had No Right to Even Try

5

A 61-Year-Old Hillbilly Dominates His Very First Ultramarathon

If marathons exist for people to prove that they're intrinsically better than you, ultramarathons exist to shame you for drawing the same air as their participants. And Australia's Westfield Sydney to Melbourne Ultramarathon is the pinnacle. The event consisted of a 544-mile run -- we'd give up on driving that -- across brutal and unforgiving territory. So imagine everyone's surprise back in 1983, when a 61-year-old potato farmer named Cliff Young lined up right alongside the strapping young gods and goddesses that normally go in for this sort of thing. Literally toothless, dressed in gumboots and long trousers, he ran in a weird old-man shuffle. Cliff further revealed that he was a virgin who still lived with his mom -- as though that needed elaborating.

Cliff Young
"Eccentric Old Guy Keels Over At Starting Line, Shocks Precisely No One"

By the end of day two, Cliff was not only markedly less dead than everyone expected, but had a sizeable lead on his competitors. This was largely due to his coach/insane friend Wally Zeuschner who, after an exhausting first day of running, accidentally set Cliff's alarm clock for 2AM. For the remainder of the race, Wally was right there, informing Cliff that sleep was for pussies, and hacking off foot blisters with a rabbit knife. When Cliff shuffled his way into Melbourne, he wasn't just ahead of his competitors -- he was miles and miles ahead, having knocked a good two goddamned days off the previous record for the course.

Cliff passed away at the age of 81, but his influence on the sport is still evident today. In order to eke out the maximum possible performance, ultramarathoners now go to bed later, get up earlier, and run in an odd gait that makes them look like fitness zombies.

The Australian
If they were really dedicated, they'd all be virgins.

4

Nigel Richards Wins A French Scrabble Tournament Despite Not Speaking A Word Of French

This is Nigel Richards, a Scrabble World Champion and Undefeated Beardmaster.

Five Thirty-Eight
And nationally third-ranked fanny packer.

3

Ray Stanford Finds Just ... All Of The Dinosaur Fossils (Where Experts Said There Were None)

Anybody with a whip and a fedora to their name knew that Washington DC was an archaeological dead zone, due to its iron-rich geology. Unfortunately, College Park, Maryland native and self-taught paleontologist Ray Stanford only had math-teacher glasses and a bolo tie. He didn't know DC was devoid of dinosaurs. So there was nothing to stop him from going there, and finding some.

Smithsonian Institute
Well, besides geology.

Since 1994, Ray has spent his free time stomping through streambeds and collecting dinosaur tracks -- tracks which, prior to Ray's discovery, had never been found in the area. He then adds the fossils to his collection at the Stanford Museum ... AKA his living room, which looks "like a rock quarry exploded." When Robert Bakker, easily the most famous paleontologist of the past century, toured Ray's collection in person, he said, "My jaw stayed dropped for an hour."

Marvin Joseph/The Washington Post
Dr. Alan Grant, however, remained thoroughly unimpressed.

2

An Undertaker Revolutionized Telecommunications To Spite A Rival

In Kansas City, 1878, Almon Strowger's undertaking business was booming. This was 1878: Life was cheap, but apparently death wasn't. A new undertaker opened up shop just down the road, and before you knew it, Strowger's customer base dried up. Possibly literally.

1

John Corcoran Was A College Graduate, A Beloved High School Teacher, And A Real Estate Wizard (All While Totally Illiterate)

After breezing through both college and graduate school, John Corcoran became a highly regarded teacher, before ultimately transitioning to the field of real estate, where, by the age of 48, he employed 200 people, was a multimillionaire, and lived in the lap of luxury in a $600,000 villa overlooking the Pacific.

John Corcoran Foundation via NPR
"I'm carrying this book strictly for self-defense!"

John's inability to read became apparent in elementary school. In his words, trying to decipher letters was like "looking at Chinese, at scribbles." Of course, this being 1940s America, his teachers simply called him lazy and encouraged him to "smart harder." Left to his own devices, John became a truly prodigious cheater. He convinced others to do his work for him and, in high school, even dated the valedictorian -- so she could do his homework for him.