"I'm sure this will do wonders for my property value."
Unfortunately, exposing the old-ass paintings to the elements has resulted in them quickly fading, leaving researchers very little time to study them. For his part, Asicona has done his best to preserve them, turning his humble abode into a makeshift museum. He's moved all the furniture out of the kitchen, put his stove outside, and keeps all the local kids from rubbing their grubby hands all over it. "The house is very humid and some of the colors have been fading ... but we do what we can without any funding," Asicona said with the resigned tone of a man who just wanted to repaint his goddamn kitchen.
Dude Taking A Leak Finds Earliest Signs Of Humans In Australia
Since it's a big-ass continent in the middle of an ocean, one of the first questions people had about Australia was how aborigines had come there, quickly followed by "what the fuck kind of animal is that?", which was then followed by silence because they were killed by said animal. But while it's believed that native Australians migrated across a land-bridge from Asia (which had disappeared underwater by the time they realized that the entire continent was venomous and tried to go back), there's still a question of when they crossed and why they don't seem to be genetically related to any of the other indigenous peoples in the region.
Mark Nolan/Stringer/Getty Images
Well, all the sun exposure and snake/spider/platypus venom is bound to mess with your DNA.
A man by the name of Clifford Coulthard was driving around the Outback surveying gorges when he had to take a piss. He pulled the car over, walked up to an embankment to take a leak in a nearby stream (is there anything more divine than peeing into running water?), and discovered a rock shelter with a blackened roof, indicating that somebody had once lit a fire there, as well as some rock art. Even more fortuitous was the fact that Cliff was actually riding around with a friggin' archaeologist who immediately recognized it as an ancient human settlement.
Giles Hamm via BBC
Seriously, are we the only ones without an archaeologist on speed dial?
And when we say ancient, we mean really goddamn old, as in the oldest human settlement ever discovered in Australia, pre-dating the next oldest site by 10,000 years. Investigation of the shelter and surrounding area led to discovery of weapons, tools, and animal bones. One curious aspect of Australian wildlife is that there's only one animal that routinely grows bigger than 200 pounds -- the saltwater crocodile -- and for years scientists have wondered why bigger animals aren't around today. Bones found at the site indicate that, at one point, there were bigger animals, but humans, as they are wont to do, killed all the big animals that couldn't fuck them up, leaving crocs as the continent's largest surviving animal (and forcing smaller creatures to improvise more creative methods of defense/revenge).
When he's not sending Christmas cards to archaeologists, Chris writes stupid stuff on Twitter.
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