Keeping up with meaningful news stories is like trying to know all the digits of pi. No mere mortal can be expected to take in every headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

George Michael died of natural causes

Source: CNN

Nike will begin selling performance hijabs

Source: CNN Money

Indiana Jones 5 has announced a 2019 release date

Source: /Film

North Korea has fired four missiles into the Sea of Japan

Source: CNN

A German awards show was pranked by a Ryan Gosling impersonator

Source: Variety

Trump signed a new travel ban that excludes Iraq

Source: CNN

The new peeps flavored Oreos could turn your poop pink

Source: ABC7

Ridley Scott says he can make six more Alien movies

Source: Uproxx

The House Oversight Committee will not investigate Trump voter fraud nonsense

Source: NBC News

The South Korean president has been removed from office

Source: NBC News

Five year old girl to compete in the US spelling bee

Source: Tulsa World

Trump believes Breitbart when they say Obama wiretapped Trump Tower

Nine people were injured in an attack at a German train station

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