Keeping up with meaningful news stories is like trying to find an M&M in a Skittles factory. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

Beauty and the Beast will feature Disneys first openly gay character

A hippo died from injuries sustained in a brutal attack

Marijuana jobs will exceed factory jobs by 2020

Trump's new FCC chairman called NET NEUTRALITY RULES A MISTAKE.N Ajit Pai said the commission's restrictions, which are meant to ensure equal access

Wendys plans to replace cashiers with touch screen kiosks

The White House is expected to propose a military spending increase

New Line Cinema is developing a horror film based on the Wizard of Oz

Arnold Schwarzenegger has stepped down as Apprentice host

Spacex plans to send two tourists into space next year

OJ Simpson is expected to be released in July

A Florida man impersonated Nickelback drummer to buy equipment

Hartford is paying a settlement to a family whose dog was shot by police

Study finds Subway chicken is half soy

Sign up for the Cracked Newsletter

Get the best of Cracked sent directly to your inbox!

Forgot Password?