Allied Leaders Spitefully Pissed On Things All The Time
The Allies win! Planes soar overhead, the citizens hold ticker-tape parades, people kiss in the street, and beneath it all is the sweet, tangy smell of victory urine. Yes, some of history's greatest leaders went ahead and pissed all over their defeated opponents -- a tactic that most of the animal kingdom would call "a bit gauche."
General George Patton, the Tom Brady of generals, couldn't resist adding his stream to the Rhine River as his troops rolled across Germany. The Rhine is a powerful nationalist symbol in Germany, so of course Patton thought emptying his bladder into it was a great way to facilitate their peaceful surrender.
Someone should have told him to take his dick out first.
Patton also thought trenches were for sissies. When another general showed George some new, innovative narrow trenches -- to protect men from aerial strikes -- Patton showed his contempt by whipping it out and ordering an airstrike of his own. After zipping up, he quipped, "There -- now try to use it" and left. We're guessing without washing his hands.
Winston Churchill also got in on the urination celebration. He really wanted to pee all over Hitler's precious Siegfried Line, and you can decide for yourself what that says about the man. Churchill was classy enough to not let anyone take pictures, but a witness did describe the scene: "I shall never forget the childish grin of intense satisfaction that spread all over his face as he looked down at the critical moment." Churchill keeps on giving, doesn't he? "The critical moment" is our new favorite euphemism.
Columbus Was Somehow An Even Bigger Jerk Than You Thought
On their lengthy trip to a continent that may or may not have existed for all they knew, Christopher Columbus and his crew got a bit tired of looking at nothing but waves and the occasional mermaid. He incentivized his men to stay alert by offering a big cash reward to the first crewman to spot land. On October 12th, 1492, Rodrigo de Triana spotted land. He thought he hit the jackpot, discovering the free world and earning a sweet bonus. Triana told Columbus of his discovery, no doubt expecting him to make it rain, which was significantly more painful in the days of gold coins.