That's the theory anyway, that we masturbate to flush the old sperm out of our systems, and force our bodies to cook up a fresh new batch of motile swimmers rather than waiting for our bodies to literally piss them away.
We Might Have Become Monogamous To Avoid STDs
Monogamy is another practice we take for granted as natural (or "traditional," depending on what debate you're having) but that seems to fail the evolutionary math test. Wouldn't humans produce more offspring if each male knocked up as many females as possible? There are still lots of cultures that function that way, so why did "one man, one woman" become the norm in modern society?
It may have been as simple as avoiding sexually-transmitted diseases.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
"We had to start inventing new letters to cover all the types of hepatitis you have."
For our ancestors who weren't blessed with contraception, the number of sexual partners, apart from being directly proportional to the fun they had, was also directly proportional to their chances of dying of a junk disease. Some Canadian and German researchers investigated the matter and concluded that in advanced agricultural societies (that is, where lots of people lived in closer proximity) STDs could spread rapidly enough to potentially wipe out entire groups. But the diseases could be contained if mating was limited to two partners, so societies that favored monogamy would have an advantage.
This would seem to imply that the magical feeling we call "love" may just be an elaborate justification for not wanting our genitalia to burn when we pee. But we would be irresponsible to leave it at that -- the reality is that humans are complex creatures and nothing we do can be boiled down to one simple, shocking evolutionary fact. Each of these is just one part of a (very weird) whole that is human sexuality. Which includes the theory that ...
We Lost Our Penis Bones In Order To Have Sex In Different Positions
Calling a stiff penis a "boner" might just be a colorful metaphor in the human world, but in the animal kingdom, it's a cold statement of fact. Most mammals, including our closest primate cousins, have an actual bone in their dicks called the baculum which basically lets them stick it in even when they aren't in the mood.
Didier Descouens/Wiki Commons
That arrow is pointing to what is scientifically known as "The Bone Zone."
Way, way back, proto-humans also had those dick-bones but evolution eventually replaced them with a complicated system of blood flow and hydraulics that can just fail for no apparent goddamn reason. Dick move, nature. Then again, it all actually had a valid purpose.
Losing the bone from our boners made our penises more flexible, which helped facilitate sex in a variety of different positions. It's like, have you ever seen a rigid drain snake? Of course not. Those things need to be flexible to navigate through the twisting, turning maze of your plumbing. It's exactly the same with the human schlong; its rubberiness allows us to reach every nook and cranny of a human female's "plumbing."
This GIF actually fits nicely for this entry too.
In other words, the Reverse Cowgirl, the Spoons, the Piledriver, basically the entire Kama Sutra all owe their existence to this mutation. Natural selection would have resulted from the fact that the first guys who could suddenly do all of those things were presumably very popular.
Dibyajyoti Lahiri sometimes talks to himself on Twitter.
Also check out 5 Animals That Can Do Amazing Things ... With Their Penises and The 6 Most Insane Sex Lives In The Animal Kingdom.
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