5 Video Game Easter Eggs That You’ll Wish We Never Found

You can actually find a location on the map that matches up with this image:

Rockstar Games
Just look for the peninsula that's shaped ominously like someone waving their dick.

And if you dive under the water and look around, you can actually locate the eight victims of the "Infinity 8 Killer" that the authorities were never able to find.

Rockstar Games
"Sorry, we were busy hunting the 'ALL YOU ASSHOLES THAT PLAY THIS GAME KILLER'."

Given that your character kills more people than this guy in the course of driving between mission objectives, there's really no reason to go to the cops with this information, but it's pretty spooky all the same.

Being that it's set in a post-apocalyptic future, the Fallout series is all about man's inhumanity to man, so it understandably comes with a few grim moments. Still, shit gets a little too real in 2008's Fallout 3, in which you can visit a strip club/brothel where it's heavily implied that all the "entertainers" are former or current child sex slaves. Damn it, Bethesda, we just wanted the fun parts of the apocalypse!

In the area called "Evergreen Mills Bazaar," you can visit a seedy post-apocalyptic sex dungeon complete with stripper poles and strippers whose job is to strip on said poles. That's fine, you're in a filthy, post-nuclear strip club. But, also scattered around are teddy bears, building blocks, and rusty tricycles. That's less fine.

Bethesda Softworks

Bethesda Softworks
The Velveteen Rabbit over there had to put food on the table somehow.

The clear implication is that the sex workers in this particular shithole have been raised there from infancy in some kind of horrible child prostitution racket. Advisedly, the developers didn't make it an option for you to actually do sex stuff with the likely underage prostitutes. It's not like this is a Grand Theft Auto game.

Instead, if you choose to free the prostitutes from their cages (yeah, they live in cages), they will immediately try to kill you, which means you have to kill them first in self-defense.

Bethesda Softworks
All the trauma of killing a Little Sister with none of the choice.

When you consider that they're probably all suffering from Stockholm syndrome, the act of murdering a bunch of child sex slaves becomes a whole lot more depressing. You know, if it already wasn't somehow.

In Assassin's Creed Unity, you simulate murdering people in Paris during the French Revolution. Or, you simulate another guy who is simulating murdering people during the French Revolution. It's confusing. And, if you know where to look, the stuff of nightmares.

If you make your way to one obscure section of the map along the Seine, you'll find a bunch of boats moored next to a cliff face, each one carrying piles of some mysterious cargo covered in bloody tarps. In case you're tempted to think they're just, like, fish or something, one of the tarps has a human arm hanging lifelessly from underneath.

Ubisoft
"Press 'X' To High Five"

Sure, that's not particularly unusual, considering you're already playing a murder simulator set during one of the bloodiest conflicts in human history. But travel further along the river and you'll come to a tunnel in which a pile of corpses are stacked up. At the end, there's a cage full of people pleading for rescue, behind some French dude who is hacking into a large shank of meat with a cleaver.

Ubisoft
"Is that a sausage in the bucket?"
"Kind of ..."

What this all means is left completely up to the player's imagination, but most fans agree that it depicts someone who is taking profitable advantage of the city's body count in a very Sweeney-Todd-esque manner. You know, because of the pile of corpses, and boat full of bloody body parts. The dude's probably not making lunch for his captives. Unless he is.

You can kill the "butcher" if you like, but there's no known way to free the prisoners. They got themselves into this situation, they can find their own way out.

There is, however, a creepy Easter egg in the GBA version of the game, Friends Of Mineral Town. In this game, there's a TV set at your house that you can use to watch shows scheduled on certain days of the week.

Natsume
In case the story you paid $40 to play isn't entertaining enough.

Look, it's not a farming simulator unless you also capture the monotony. Which is, of course, the point -- the show is supposed to be a relaxing, charming affair intended to lower your blood pressure.

But it's really just getting you to let your guard down.

If you happen to watch the TV at exactly 4:44 in game time, the game goes nuts -- it simply displays a dialogue box that reads "4 hours, 44 minutes" in Japanese on a constant loop until the game crashes or you go insane.

Natsume
"All work and no play makes Hiroki a dull programmer."

This might just seem like a random glitch, and it might be -- in any case, it doesn't seem that spooky. Unless you're Japanese -- in Japan, the number 4 is considered unlucky, and the number 444 is, to them, kind of the equivalent of what the number 666 is to us. That is, just a string of digits, but not one that you want to see filling up your TV screen in the early hours of the morning, farming simulator or otherwise.

Hidden in the game's code is a number called the "fun number" that randomizes every time you start a new game, and that's the key to finding the hidden content. You have to actually go into the code and manually change the number to certain values in order to make certain events occur in the game. If you do it right, you get to meet a bunch of riddle-spouting cultists:

Toby Fox

Toby Fox
Which considering the child sex cults and cannibal cults from earlier is actually fine with us.

Another secret event opens a hidden room that shows you a black screen with a series of Wingdings messages, set to some pretty disturbing music.

Toby Fox
"Ted ... Cruz ... Zodiac ... What?"

It isn't specifically revealed that this is W. D. Gaster talking, but there are some telling clues -- the text, once decoded, reveals details of an "experiment," and there are several other characters in the game who are named after classic Windows fonts, like "Sans" and "Papyrus." Fans have deduced that the "W. D." in the mysterious character's name probably stands for "Wingdings."

Finally, there is a secret room that only appears when the fun number is changed to 66. When you enter, you meet a weird character with a fucked-up face who never says anything, and vanishes when you touch him. Fans are pretty sure that this is Gaster himself.

Toby Fox
We can't show what he does if you change the fun number to 69.

Aaand, that's it, that's the only payoff you ever get for the whole mystery. Unless there are more Easter eggs that even hardcore fans haven't discovered yet, and we wouldn't want to discount that.

Oh, and there's this: On the screen that asks you to input your character's name, if you type "Gaster," the game crashes and restarts. And we're not sure who put more thought into this, the developers, or the fans who worked all of this out somehow.

You know all those facts you've learned about psychology from movies and that one guy at the party who says, "Actually ..." a lot? Please forget them. Chances are none of them are true. Take the Stanford Prison Experiment, the one famous psychology study people can name. It was complete bullshit. Funny story actually, it turns out that when you post flyers that say, "Hey, do you wanna be a prison guard for the weekend? Free food and nightsticks," you might not get the most stable group of young men. So join Jack O'Brien, Cracked staff members Dan O'Brien and Michael Swaim, and Psychology Professor Martie G. Haselton of UCLA as they debunk Rorschach tests, the Mozart effec,t and middle child syndrome, so soon you can be that person at the party who says, "Actually ..." Get your tickets here!

For more nightmares in the machine, check out 7 Creepy Video Game Easter Eggs You'll Wish We Never Found and 6 Video Game Glitches Scarier Than Anything Done On Purpose.

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