5

Brutal Murder Scenes Turned Into Bed And Breakfasts

Jim McIntosh

In 1892, Lizzie Borden was infamously tried for murdering her father and stepmother with a hatchet -- the worst thing associated with the Borden name right up until the '80s glam rock band.

The Borden family was quite affluent, so naturally, their swanky home in Fall River, Massachusetts has become a bed and breakfast. Specifically, the Lizzie Borden Bed & Breakfast Museum. Yes, it's devoted to the murders. Among the bookable rooms are the one in which Mrs. Borden was butchered, as well as Lizzie's own bedroom, complete with romantic double bed. When you're not busy testing the absorbency limits of the linens, you can tastefully recreate the crime scene photo of Mr. Borden's body on the couch in the sitting room.

Wiki Commons, LeeAnn Wilber
You might get a movie deal out of it.

4

Role-Play A Tortured Eastern Bloc Prisoner

Vides Filmu Studija / YouTube

3

Make Sweet Love In Former Slave Quarters

Prospect Hill Bed & Breakfast

Prospect Hill Bed and Breakfast in Louisa, Virginia is a lovely old home and former plantation, transformed into a place where old people go to screw and eat scones. And they don't shy away from the whole "former plantation" aspect. You can rent out Sanco Pansy's Cottage, which they describe as "the sleeping quarters of a loyal slave who would spend four years fighting alongside his master in the War Between the States."

Punch Magazine
Artist's representation.

While you're there, maybe take a moment away from bangin' in a creaking bed full of scone-crumbs to pay your respects to the aforementioned Sanco Pansy Scott, who rests in a mass grave alongside 74 other "loyal and faithful" slaves.

If they're all booked up, head to the Caledonia Farm 1812 Bed & Breakfast. There, you can stay in the Summer Kitchen Dependency, which is now the honeymoon suite. It must make for one hell of a wedding night, plowing your new life partner within earshot of the crackling fireplace where human beings toiled for the people who claimed them as property on their tax returns.

Caledonia Farm 1812 Bed & Breakfast
But don't worry, their ghosts aren't watching. Because why the hell would they want to stick around that house?

2

Tour A Slum Like It's A Zoo For Poverty

Council on Tall Buildings and Urban Habitat

Thanks to a sizable boost in demand courtesy of the movie Slumdog Millionaire, a whole slew of companies are now offering tours of the Mumbai slums. Finally, you too can pay an ungodly sum to see crippling poverty up close and personal! Other areas have followed suit. From Rio to South Africa, everybody's dipping their toes in the cesspool.

Julien Cassagne / Times Newspapers
"Oh my god, poor people do exist. Hollywood knows everything!"

So what's a slum tour like? According to tour operator Slumgods, "Visitors travel on foot across the slums of Dharavi ... [and] witness a secular nation with a spirit of survival through the lives of these slum dwellers ... Through the narrow alleys of the Dharavi slum, one can feel their adventurous spirit bursting open while enlightening themselves of a world beyond the cozy cottages."

Hey, be sure to bring your iPhone, so you can capture all the heartwarming moments of abject poverty and raw human suffering you encounter along the way!

Kamaludin Hayat
"Such an eye-opener. And speaking of eye-openers, #TimeForStarbucks."

Or you could skip the voyeurism and slum it up yourself at the Emoya Hotel & Spa's shanty town -- a "resort" modeled after the very finest in slum luxury. Located in Bloemfontein, South Africa, the shanties are covered in corrugated metal and have all the hallmarks of poverty, right down to the requisite old tire out front, but without all the pesky starvation, disease, or lack of quality WiFi. It's the Walt Disney version of slum life, right down to the heated floors.

Emoya Shanty Town Hotel, Emoya Shanty Town Hotel
Be our guest, be our guest! You garbage person mess!

1

Pose For Selfies In The Ruins Left Behind By Recent Natural Disasters

Mario Tama/Getty Images

In May of 2011, an EF5 tornado nearly erased Joplin, Missouri. It damaged or outright obliterated 7,500 homes, tossed 17,000 residents out on the streets, and tragically took the lives of 158 people.

Sounds like fun! Let's go check it out!

The Convention & Visitors Bureau of Joplin even published a helpful brochure specifically for aficionados of human misery. It comes complete with heartrending photos of the destruction and maps to the particularly awful sites.

Joplin Convention & Visitors Bureau
"Hey, you know what these images of devastation could use? A fun, quirky font!"

Joplin Convention & Visitors Bureau
The little blue star is where the concept of human decency crawled beneath some rubble and died. Alone.

If you like the idea of nature killing people for your amusement, but you're more of a drowning fan, just take the Hurricane Katrina tour through New Orleans. There, you can "drive past an actual levee that breached" and see "the resulting devastation that displaced hundreds of thousands of U.S. residents."

Chris Graythen/Getty Images
"And out the windows to your left, you'll see where George Bush didn't care about black people."

You know what? That's not quite right. Most of the Katrina deaths were from disease and starvation. To get your rocks off, you need real drowning victims, and you need them in the thousands. For that, you need to either head straight to Hell, or across the ocean to Japan, where the 2011 tsunami unleashed unfathomable destruction. Probably the biggest draw on the agenda is the (former) sea wall at Taro Port, where you can witness myriad gulls "roosting on the giant piles of wreckage cleared from the port."

There's got to be some sort of symbolism there, but we can't quite put our finger on it.

For more tourist attractions you should probably avoid, check out 9 Unexpectedly Creepy Tourist Attractions and The 24 Creepiest Places On Earth (You Can Visit Today).

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Last Halloween, the Cracked Podcast creeped you out with tales of ghost ships, mysteriously dead people, and a man from one of the most famous paintings in U.S. history who years later went all Jack Nicholson in The Shining on his family. This October, Jack and the Cracked staff are back with special guest comedians Ryan Singer, Eric Lampaert, and Anna Seregina to share more unsettling and unexplained true tales of death, disappearance, and the great beyond. Get your tickets for this LIVE podcast here!