Look, we get it. The news outlets are like rival howler monkey gangs cruising for mates. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every headline while maintaining their sanity. So we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

Donald Trump chooses Mike Pence as his running mate

Source: CNN, Time

Bernie Sanders officially endorses Hillary Clinton

Source: Variety

Dr Phil sues the National Enquirer

Police officer suffers spinal fracture at Black Lives Matter protest

Source: USA Today

Mall robot cop ran over a child

Theresa May is the new British Prime Minister

Source: Time, Fortune

23 killed in head-on train collision in Italy

Phoenix police search for a serial killer

Source: CNN

Florida woman dies hiking in the Grand Canyon

Pokemon Go is going viral

Tom Brady loses Deflategate appeal

Source: TMZ

Armed forces attempt to overthrow the Turkish government

Source: CNN, CNN, CNN

Mick Jagger is expecting a baby

Source: BBC News

84 killed in Bastille Day attack in Nice

Source: AOL

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