As you grow up, the things that seemed impossibly cool to you in your youth start looking more and more underwhelming. Your badass action figures are just sad lumps of plastic, your favorite video games are just ugly polygons, Axl Rose is just ... well, Axl Rose, etc. The only solution at this point is to put all that crap on eBay and adopt some more age-appropriate hobbies, like mowing the lawn or complaining about kids today. Such is the way of the world.
Or at least, it was the way of the world, before some people out there started making insane adult versions of the things we loved as kids, compensating for your lack of imagination with sheer, awesome, often dangerous reality. For example ...
A Nintendo Zapper Gun That Can Kill People
One of the ways Nintendo convinced toy stores to stock their first gaming console in 1985 (after some little space turd nearly killed the video game industry) was by including a bunch of fun peripherals like the NES Zapper -- the plastic gun you'd use to play Duck Hunt, and then throw at your TV after that goddamned dog laughed at your shitty aim too many times.
Obviously, the Zapper may have looked like a gun, but you couldn't murder an intruder with it. Well, two gun companies from (*gasp*) Texas recently decided to change that:
Black Sheep Arms/Instagram
Perfect for mafia hit men who need to whack somebody discreetly at a Chuck E. Cheese's.
Yep, that's a functional gun, of the "puts holes in your body" type. In March of this year, Black Sheep Arms announced that they'd converted a .45 automatic Glock to look like a spot-on recreation of the iconic game controller, right down to the color scheme, the Nintendo logo, and the fact that it will probably spark fights with your brother. Here's a video of "Greatest Shooter of All Time" Jerry Miculek demonstrating it ... while dressed as Mario, naturally.
"Our Princess is in anoth--" "THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS SHIT."