For those of you who somehow missed his butthole-detonating introduction into the Marvel Cinematic Universe this past summer, Black Panther is the king and protector of the fictional African nation of Wakanda. He's also the sometimes lover, and former husband, of X-Men's Storm, which means every world-threatening conflict adds an extra layer of stress for the two of them.
Their last marriage counselor tried to get them to communicate via hand puppets
and was struck by lightning seventeen times.
Wakanda is a nation that is technologically advanced even beyond the western world. A recent Black Panther storyline, penned by Reginald Hudlin, highlighted the technological superiority of Wakanda by revealing that the nation's top minds actually know the cure for cancer -- and they're not sharing it.
Not pancreatic, breast, or colon cancer. Just, cancer. All the cancer.
Apparently, the West doesn't deserve to know how to cure cancer because they still sell cigarettes. Furthermore, Black Panther and the Wakandan council are convinced that, if they did share the cure for cancer with the rest of the world, America would just weaponize it somehow. Though we're not sure how "curing cancer" can be converted into a weapon unless the cure is administered via machine gun.
Nothing says "spiritual maturity" like denying people the cure
to the most devastating disease in history because they aren't on your level.
This is made even worse by the fact that several superheroic allies of Black Panther are currently suffering from terminal cancer, including Captain Marvel and the current Thor, Jane Foster. Essentially, members of his superhero softball team are dying of cancer, and he's keeping the cure from them because they didn't throw in for a tip the last time they all went out for drinks. Here's hoping you manage to defeat Thanos before half the team succumbs to chemotherapy side effects, you dick.
Tara Marie writes about comics here, on Twitter, and other places.
For more superheroes that acted like real big jerks, check out The 6 Most Sadistic Superhero Revenge Schemes Of All Time and The 7 Biggest Dick Moves In The History Of Superheroes.
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