Americans already have almost stupidly easy access to the best and most effective supervillain weapons of all time -- guns. But we're not talking about the cute little guns you might use to shoot up tin cans or kill a celebrity lion. We're talking about guns that blow a hole in time and space.
"Roads? Where we're shooting we don't need roads."
What you see above is a 2007 video shot by Dale Allen, whose brother and crew took a two-inch-diameter steel cylinder, bored a half-inch hole in it, welded handles on, and blasted forth a shockwave of impossible terror and joy. Safety-wise, this is not OK. They should be dead. They basically invented a pipe bomb you can hold in your hand while it goes off. It probably doesn't shoot very straight, you need to light a fuse to trigger it, and it seems to kick like, well ... like a pipe bomb with handles. The only explanation for how they're still alive is that Death thinks it's way too unsafe to go anywhere near that thing.
Look at how the entire landscape seems to shit its pants a little when he fires it.
Really, any motivated person can combine 15th century technology with a Google search and put together a hand-held cannon. Hopefully this is illegal, but these guys created something they called a 3-Barrel Rapid-Fire Pole Cannon that launches projectiles when you bang it against something.
Can't decide whether to bash your enemy or shoot them? Why not do both!
Industrious murder enthusiasts have even come up with ways to create super ammunition at home. Take, for example, the exploits of Taofledermaus, a YouTube channel seemingly based on the premise that shotgun shells are the Choose Your Own Adventure of ballistics. They have fired everything from meat and glass to darts and lithium batteries. And then there's the Juicer, which separates and twirls through the air before it obliterates its targets -- notice we said "its" and not "yours," as it mostly murders things nowhere near what you're aiming at.
It adds an element of whimsy you don't normally see in a bullet.
Then there's the Dragon's Breath, an incendiary round this Federal Law Enforcement Training Center video describes as able to "torch all organic matter in its path."
And that's putting it mildly.
Dragon's Breath rounds have a tendency to start wildfires, mainly because firing wildly is their entire purpose. For that reason alone, they are outlawed in certain states. Americans may love guns, but they love not burning to death at least a tiny bit more.
It scared them so much they forgot how to spell.
Don't Google this or you'll wind up on a list -- and not one of those fun "humorous trivia" ones -- but murderous chemists have detailed how to create your own Dragon's Breath ammunition at home with magnesium. Though if you have access to zirconium, you can burn your enemies at a far more terrifying 1,600 degrees Celsius, which is 3,000 Freedom America degrees.
Tyler Roney is a writer and editor probably kicking about Asia somewhere. You can contact him through his magazine or @TylerRoney on Twitter.
Zoroastrianism used to be one of the biggest religions in the world, but their idea of heaven had a slight twist on it: to get there you'd have to cross a bridge. Sometimes rickety, sometimes wide and sturdy, if you fell off you'd go to the House of Lies for eternity. Fun! Not terrifying at all! This month, Jack, Dan, and Michael along with comedians Casey Jane Ellison and Ramin Nazer as they discuss their favorite afterlife scenarios from movies, sci-fi and lesser-known religions. Get your tickets here and we'll see you on the other side of the bridge!
For more articles you totally shouldn't read, check out 7 Hacks That Turn Everyday Objects Into Deadly Weapons and 5 Deadly Sci-Fi Gadgets You Can Build At Home.
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