The news media is primarily a delivery system for anxiety and impotent rage. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (5/17)

Source: USA Today

WORSENING AIRPORT WAIT TIMES ARE CAUSING THOUSANDS OF TRAVELERS TO MISS THEIR FLIGHTS. American Airlines stated that nearly 6.800 passengers missed th

A Domino's delivery driver helped save a customer's life. Employees at the Salem, Oregon, pizza shop became concerned when they didn't hear from a dec

The ATF has concluded that the 2013 West Fertilizer Company plant explosion was the result OF A DELIBERATELY SET FIRE. The blast at the West, Texas, p

Source: CNN

A RACCOON TOOK OUT THE POWER TO NEARLY 39,000 SEATTLE HOMES. The critter snuck into a substation and short-circuited the power grid. Now, we just wait

Source: KIRO7

Arkansas District Judge Joseph Boeckmann RESIGNED after being accused of reducing sentences for defendants in exchange for community service at his

Source: NBC News

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (5/17)

Budiveisep Budweise IS RENAMING ITS BEER AMERICA in acknowledgment of the 2016 presidential race. The name will reportedly go back to normal after the

IN A HISTORIC AND UNEXPECTED VICTORY FOR A COUNTRY WHERE TRANSGENDER PEOPLE ARE SUBJECT TO RAMPANT DISCRIMINATION AND VIOLENCE... 49-YEAR-OLD GERALDIN

Source: BBC

THE RUSSO BROTHERS, the visionaries behind Marvel's Captain America franchise, announced that they will be producing ME a Chinese-language superhero m

Source: Deadline

MICHAEL BLEVINS, a 37-year-old Florida man, fell while cleaning his .22 caliber pistol, causing it to fire. However, he didn't notice anything unusual

Source: Denver Post

THE COLORADO SPRINGS PLANNED PARENTHOOD SHOOTER WAS DEEMED UNFIT TO STAND TRIAL. Robert L. Dear Jr. had faced 179 counts for the 2015 rampage that lef

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