Eventually, the family figures out the truth and tracks down the doctor in his filthy animal murder den. There, they discover that he's not only a crooked vet, but also a gun-wielding vet, as he demonstrates when he very nearly murders the dad. He's only stopped when the dog from Frasier bites him in the penis.

Universal Pictures"Tossed Salad Chewed Sausage And Scrambled Eggs"

That's violent, but also hilarious and heartwarming, so it's fine. Rather less heartwarming is when the kids crash the family station wagon into the lab, hitting the table full of sharp, precariously positioned syringes ...

Universal Pictures

... directly into the evil vet's chest.

Universal Pictures"This is pleasant compared to the dick thing ..."

That would be an intense scene in a Cronenberg movie, let alone a movie whose advertising featured a dog eating a drumstick.

To reiterate, she's not a secret agent. She's just some kid. And, aside from the fact that no government agency should ever give a random teenage girl the power to kill someone at their own discretion (they would do it all the time), what's the psychological impact of this going to be for her? Years of crying and night sweats? Do you get a half day at school for turning someone inside out?

After a bit of back and forth, with Cosby pleading for his life and the cabbie shouting, "DO YOU WORSHIP SATAN?" Cosby changes tack and decides to yell back that he is Satan.

Universal PicturesWhich is a hell of a thing, in retrospect.

Unfortunately, this causes the cabbie to freak the fuck out ...

Universal Pictures

... and drive the cab off a bridge ...

Universal Pictures"Still better than my last five Uber drivers."

Why Bill Cosby felt the need to introduce Satanism and murder into the first act of his movie for children is a question that will probably never be answered, suffice to say that Bill Cosby is obviously a son of a bitch.

Considering the fact that they were created exclusively to sell toys to children, it should come as little surprise that the Ewoks, the lovable man-killing rodents introduced in Return Of The Jedi, got their own (short-lived) series of spinoff films for kids. In the first film, Caravan Of Courage, the intergalactic teddy bears help a brother and sister find their lost parents. You know, instead of eating them.

Lucasfilm Pictured: Star Wars, without any of the things you like in it.

Possibly sensing that the audience for Ewok movies was getting older, Lucasfilm decided to make things a little more mature in the sequel, Ewoks: The Battle For Endor. And by "mature," we of course mean "violent reaving."

The Horrifying Scene:

While the first movie is a cute adventure about a family reuniting, its sequel starts off with a bloody massacre. Moments after the opening credits, the Ewok village is promptly attacked by Endor's other, less toy-like inhabitants: a gang of murder-crazed monster people.

Lucasfilm"Remember the opening of Conan? That's how I want Ewoks 2 to start." -- George Lucas

Most upsettingly, all those fresh-faced characters we grew to love in the first movie die within minutes. First, there's the heroine's mom and brother ...

Lucasfilm

Thankfully, her dad, who has suddenly morphed into Deputy Dwayne T. Robinson, is still OK.

Lucasfilm

But not for long.

Lucasfilm"Does she have a dog we can kill? Or stuffed animals we can rip the heads off of?"

That's a whole lot of orphaning to happen in the opening minutes of a children's movie. Even more bizarre is the reason all these characters were killed off. According to the actor who played the brother, Lucas was only making another Ewoks film for his daughter, and since she only gave a shit about the young girl character, he evidently took that to mean that Ewoks 2 should violently purge the story of all the characters his daughter didn't relate to. That's some top-shelf parenting from the weaver of dreams.

The Horrifying Scene:

At one point, the group rides a magical elevator that takes them inside the worlds of Twain's beloved books. Hey, here's one you probably recognize, The Adventures Of Tom Sawyer.

Clubhouse Pictures

What book do they visit next? A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court? The Prince And The Pauper? Nope, it's The Mysterious Stranger, Twain's unfinished book about the Devil. And when the elevator doors open, sure enough, the strange otherworldly figure that greets them introduces himself ... as Satan.

Clubhouse Pictures"Sup?"

And because Mark Twain is apparently the worst babysitter in the entire world, he does not repeatedly punch the "close door" button, but instead shoos the children along to go hang out with Satan on his floating space rock.

Clubhouse PicturesAs you do.

Satan, as you might expect, is a bit of a dick, and entertains the kids by first creating a civilization of tiny clay people ...

Clubhouse Pictures

... and then creating an apocalypse to kill the civilization of tiny clay people.

Clubhouse Pictures

Clubhouse Pictures

Clubhouse PicturesNow this is just a Tool video.

That's a heck of a lesson for young kids to learn. Parenting experts might question the wisdom of even teaching it at all.

... which saves the good guys, while leaving the bad guy and his robot damned for all eternity.

Walt DisneyBoom! Moral! Don't be evil, kids.

Neil deGrasse Tyson called this the most scientifically inaccurate movie of all time, which a) sounds true, and b) spectacularly misses the point. Which, if we're being honest, is his M.O.

Young boys applying black magic to their genitals is troubling enough, but we're not done yet. After getting in trouble at school, Connie meets the principal, who tells him he has a "little problem." The problem? Rapunzel-like torrents of pubic hair spilling from the bottom of his pants.

New World Pictures"Please stop asking girls to use it to climb to your tower."

In one scene, Connie can't even sleep because his new pubes have gone full ZZ Top.

New World PicturesEvery girl's crazy 'bout a bearded dong.

And in case all the homeless ghost curses, child abduction, and mutant pubic hair isn't enough, please note that all the songs for this movie were performed by Celine Dion. That really pushes it over the top.

J.M. McNab co-hosts the pop culture nostalgia podcast Rewatchability, which can also be found on iTunes. Follow him on Twitter @Rewatchability.

Which Sci-Fi Trope Would You Bring To The Real World, And Why? Every summer, we're treated to the same buffet of three or four science fiction movies with the same basic conceits. There's man vs. aliens, man vs. robots, man vs. army of clones, and man vs. complicated time travel rules. With virtual reality and self-driving cars fast approaching, it's time to consider what type of sci-fi movie we want to be living in for the rest of our lives. Co-hosts Jack O'Brien and Adam Tod Brown are joined by Cracked's Tom Reimann and Josh Sargent and comedians David Huntsberger, Adam Newman, and Caitlin Gill to figure out which sci-fi trope would be the best to make a reality. Get your tickets to this live podcast here!

For more questionable content in kids products, check out 7 Horrifying Moments From Classic Kids Movies and 9 Traumatizing Moments From Classic Kids Movies.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out The 6 Creepiest Videos Aimed At Children, and other videos you won't see on the site!

Also, follow us on Facebook. Or, you know, don't. But, please do!